You'll find these in thread 'Funny Lines' or something, but they're on page 10, so here are my spoofs:
Tank:take the door on your left
(Neo runs into the wrong door)
Tank: No your OTHER left!!! Geez, how can you save the human race if you don't even know which way is left?!
****************************************************
*Neo and Trinity are arguing about going back for Morpheuas in Matrix 1*
Trinity: (i don't know the exact words, just bear with me) Let me tell you something. I think Morpheaus means more to me than he does to you....
Neo: wait a minute. How much more?
Trinity: Um....
Tank: Oh, so THAT'S why Niobe and Morpheaus broke up....
****************************************************
Oracle: Here, have a cookie. Believe me, by the time you've finished eating it, you'll feel right as rain.
Neo: But this cookie has nuts. I'm allergic to nuts.
Oracle: Just eat the stupid cookie.
Neo: But-
Oracle: I said EAT IT!
****************************************************
More cookie jokes)
Oracle: Here, have a cookie. Believe me, by the time you've finished eating it, you'll feel right as rain.
Neo: Excuse me, but isn't that pointless, considering the cookie isn't even real?
Oracle: Well, excuse ME, Mr. I-know-everything-about-the-Matrix-so-I-don't-need-help-from-the-Oracle!!!!
Neo: Sorry, I-
Oracle: Look, go and find your own destiny if you don't want my help, okay? just get out. Maybe that bald kid with the spoon has potienial to be the 'one'....
****************************************************
*neo is firing clips at room where agents are holding Morpheaus in M1*
*neo gets carried away*
Neo: Ha ha!! Take that agents! ..and that! and that!
*Neo accidently fills Morpheaus w/ bullets*
Neo: Oops
Trinity: What is it?
Neo: nothing
Trinity: Oh my god! You killed Morpheaus!
*trinity throws neo off the helicopter*
Neo: Sorrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! (splat)
please reply w/ more funny stuff cause the other thread in jammed full WTF ?????????????????????????????? you didn't like them?>:-( fine. then show ur own spoofs...if u have any :-P
Here are somemore spoofs:
*neo wakes up from mightmare*
Neo: Aaah!
*suddenly, Niobe sits up next to him in bed, instead of Trinity*
Niobe:what's wrong?
Neo:what the...Niobe?
Niobe: Oh come on, Neo! 'Once you go black, you never go back' (no offense intended) Now do some of those Superman moves on me!
Neo: Aaaah!
(to be continued.....) I got some, somewhere, they always got moved to the fanfiction board though. Hi there. I could not help noticing that the posts at the top are from another forum. well, yeah, I mentioned that. Mine are on page ten though, so I thought I'd start a new funny spoofs thread, since the other one is stuffed OMG, I just thought of this:
*neo just woke up and morph is showing him around*
Morph: this is the main deck.....some of my crew, you already know......here's the rest of the crew..
*the crew breaks into song, singing 'It's a Hard Not Life, For Us'* 2 things to say about that one....
1. I agree with The next "one"....boo!
2. i HATE that song, its soo freakin annoying me thinks. If you think differently about it peepz, plz dont get mad at me im just typing my mind wich is what this site was for i thought. sorry bout the second post but i wanted to say this just so i dont come out looking like a big bully or nuthin......
i have nuthin against u oracle2.0. I have read lotz of ur posts and like most of them, it was just that one with the hard not life. So no offense meant by it. oh, okay. Yeah, it was kinda dumb anyway hey i like the hard not life one, and we should really get Hitman in on this page, the other ones wicked but if you put something in no one sees it and it gets lost in the middle.
And the first few sucked, sorry dude.... *shrugs* yeah, well, I'm tryin. We need Hitman and Niobe16. another cookie one,
Oracle: Here, have a cookie, i promise by the time youve finished eating it, youll feel right as rain
Neo: Takes cookie, sniffs it, "Hey! these are loaded with peyote!!"
Oracle: "Hey, i gotta make you walk out that door and look like i just told you something thats gonna change your life, how the HELL am i gonna get you to pull of that face on your own?" We'll just call this the "Amateur funny one liners page"
Ok? It's verry funny oracle 2.0 I like it! another amature perverted morphius one:
Morphius: Neo, your the ohe, I've been searching for you for a very long time Neo. I have finally found you.
Neo: that's real nice but could you take your hand off my crotch? Just saw your page guys...funny stuff! and thanks for the compliment on my stuff...i'm killin' time here at work, you know...i'll throw some up here too, ok? ;) i love ur stuff oracle, fanfics and spoofs, and urs hitman, u 2 betta keep making em!! Smith: I killed you, Mr. ANderson...I watched you DIE...with a certain sense of satisfaction, I might add...
Neo: Hey...that hurts...after all we've meant to each other...sniff...
Smith: Hey...Hey...don't be like...that....Mr. Anderson...Mr. Anderson...you'll have us both crying in a minute...(starts waving hands wildly)
Smith2: (steps forward, embraces Smith1) There there...
Smith3: It's ok...
Smith4: We didn't mean it...
camera circles around Neo as Smiths console themselves...
Neo: oh give me a break...can't we just fight instead? Originally posted by Hitman
Smith: I killed you, Mr. ANderson...I watched you DIE...with a certain sense of satisfaction, I might add...
Neo: Hey...that hurts...after all we've meant to each other...sniff...
Smith: Hey...Hey...don't be like...that....Mr. Anderson...Mr. Anderson...you'll have us both crying in a minute...(starts waving hands wildly)
Smith2: (steps forward, embraces Smith1) There there...
Smith3: It's ok...
Smith4: We didn't mean it...
camera circles around Neo as Smiths console themselves...
Neo: oh give me a break...can't we just fight instead?
LMFAO ROFL OTFL LMAO LOL *Trinity runs to a nearby phone to exit the Matrix as dozens of agents are charging at her, Picks it up, and hears something she doesn't want to hear*
Voice on Phone: "The line is busy at the moment, please hang up and try again."
I know, it's short and stupid, but at least I tried! lol i love the smith one....just picturing it :) i liked the line-busy one too. These are all pretty good.
P.S. im still sry oracle2.0 i feel bad now. i feel like i was cussing u out or sumthin and now i cant stop the guilt from raining in on me from the post about the hard not life. sorry sorry sorry, maybe that will help the guilt to go away.
nope hey just delete te post goto edit and delete it if u feel bad! LOL funny stuff guys...keep it up...lol Smith is interrogating Morpheus and the other agents walk in...
Agent 1: What are you doing?
Agent 2: He's doing it again...
Smith: What are you talking about?
Agent 2: That's the sixth time this week...
Smith: I was...merely getting information...
Agent 1: That's why you were stroking his head...
Smith: What are you...insinuating?
Agent 2: We know you're lonely...we know he's lonely...we understand...we'll leave you two ALONE...
Smith: What?!? How dare you!!!
Agent: Sorry...it looked bad...
Agent 2: Yes...sorry...proceed with the interrogation...
Agents leave, door closes behind them...
Smith: Now...where were we, my little Morphy Dorphy? Originally posted by Do I Exist?
another amature perverted morphius one:
Morphius: Neo, your the ohe, I've been searching for you for a very long time Neo. I have finally found you.
Neo: that's real nice but could you take your hand off my crotch?
add on.......
Morpheus: Neo, Free. Your. Mind Originally posted by Barcoded4life
[B}P.S. im still sry oracle2.0 i feel bad now. i feel like i was cussing u out or sumthin and now i cant stop the guilt from raining in on me from the post about the hard not life. sorry sorry sorry, maybe that will help the guilt to go away.
nope [/B]
hey, it's okay. I wasn't really that offened by it. You can stop feeling guilty and chill Hey were gettin there!
weve got 31 posts, and Funny one Liners, (The original one) has 292!!
thats only like 261 posts then were cookin!!
HITMAN, NIOBE 16!!! HEAR MY PLEAS!!!! WRITE TO US! OK, new one.
Neo walks in through the door, and sees the architect.
Architect is looking at him sternly,then says in a very strange mix of Homosexual and smart talk, "My look at you you big muscly, carrot of love, why dont you come over here and sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that POPS up... Oh my...thats....oh MY!.... none of the OTHER potentials were as BIG as you my little sex lemur."( Jumps on Neo and starts humping his leg)
Neo: My GOD!!, The entire human race depends on me NEGOTIATING with this horny little poodle?....(sighs dejectedly)..we're screwed." yeah, well, our salvation also depends on a guy who can't tell which way is left(see sig below) Originally posted by TheWindMinstrel
my little sex lemur
that is possibly the most random and wonderful phrase i have ever heard, im stealing it! :p jkjkjk, words o the day "sex lemur" Ha, sex lemur. That is a good one! sex lemur, words of the day, up there with waztastic! :p So, the post of the other thread are posted here. Ok, I'll post just the last I wrote.
Oracle: I'd ask you to sit down, but your not going to anyway. And don't worry about the vase.
Neo: What vase? //Neo just look at the Oracle
Oracle: That vase.
Neo: But what? //Still looking the Oracle
//Oracle walks fordward Neo, pick the vase and smash the vase against the floor
Oracle: THIS vase...idiot Location: white corridors with doors
Morpheus get stoped by the Smiths
Smith 1: If you can't beat us...
Smith 2: Join us.
Neo: Morpheus.
Morpheus: Argh....Smith..wait....lo...look...this..
// Morpheus carries a XXX magazine, it falls to the floor. Smith3 pick it.
Morpheus: You..see. There is a better way...to...reproduce yourself...uhg..
Smith 3: Hmm, the question is: why we haven't put attention to this before.
Smith 1: Ok boys, we're leaving...
Smith 2: We have a new...
Smith 3: ...purpose... Originally posted by Seba Reloaded
Location: white corridors with doors
Morpheus get stoped by the Smiths
Smith 1: If you can't beat us...
Smith 2: Join us.
Neo: Morpheus.
Morpheus: Argh....Smith..wait....lo...look...this..
// Morpheus carries a XXX magazine, it falls to the floor. Smith3 pick it.
Morpheus: You..see. There is a better way...to...reproduce yourself...uhg..
Smith 3: Hmm, the question is: why we haven't put attention to this before.
Smith 1: Ok boys, we're leaving...
Smith 2: We have a new...
Smith 3: ...purpose...
to make sweet lurve! omg,I never thought of that before... Another perverted morpheus one:
*Fighting in the training program*
Morpheus: Stop trying to hit me, and hit on me!!!
Neo: *Stops* WHAT?!?
Kinda cheesy...oh well.....everyone took all the good scenes for spoofs :) I love this one:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Do I Exist?
another amature perverted morphius one:
Morphius: Neo, your the one, I've been searching for you for a very long time Neo. I have finally found you.
Neo: that's real nice but could you take your hand off my crotch?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
add on.......
Morpheus: Neo, Free. Your. Mind
Good one..........................................
________________
"Dodge this..." Oracle: ...Here, take a cookie. I promise, by the time you're done eating it, you'll feel right as rain.
//Neo's face look like this :eek:
Neo: That's food! ..this is matrix's food...but...I was eating that s*** at the Neb..
//Neo devoures the cookie frenetically
Neo: ....Give me another! Now!
Oracle: What? You're done here. Now you have to leave, go with Morpheus, kiddo.
//Neo uses both arms to strangle the Oracle and raises her from the floor
Neo: MOOOORE!!!!!! lol, he is desparate for those cookies. quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Seba Reloaded
Location: white corridors with doors
Morpheus get stoped by the Smiths
Smith 1: If you can't beat us...
Smith 2: Join us.
Neo: Morpheus.
Morpheus: Argh....Smith..wait....lo...look...this..
// Morpheus carries a XXX magazine, it falls to the floor. Smith3 pick it.
Morpheus: You..see. There is a better way...to...reproduce yourself...uhg..
Smith 3: Hmm, the question is: why we haven't put attention to this before.
Smith 1: Ok boys, we're leaving...
Smith 2: We have a new...
Smith 3: ...purpose...
LMFAO!!!! That's great!!!! Agent Johnson(?) walks into the alley during the Burly Brawl.
Smith steps out in front of him.
Agent: You...
Smith: Me...(shoves his hand in Agent's chest)...Me, me, me....
Smith2: Me too...
The fighting stops. Neo, out of breath, looks around confused.
All of a sudden, the Smiths line up, chorus line style.
Smith1: Me...a name, I call myself...
Smith2: FA, a long long way to run...
Smith3: SO, what you do with needle and thread...
Smith4: LA, a note after So...
Smith5: TEE, a drink with jam and bread...
Smith6: DOE, a deer, a female deer...
Smith7: and that will bring us back to ME, ME, ME...(grabs a stunned Neo and all the Smiths dogpile on him)
Coming soon: The Sound of Matrix Originally posted by Hitman
Agent Johnson(?) walks into the alley during the Burly Brawl.
Smith steps out in front of him.
Agent: You...
Smith: Me...(shoves his hand in Agent's chest)...Me, me, me....
Smith2: Me too...
The fighting stops. Neo, out of breath, looks around confused.
All of a sudden, the Smiths line up, chorus line style.
Smith1: Me...a name, I call myself...
Smith2: FA, a long long way to run...
Smith3: SO, what you do with needle and thread...
Smith4: LA, a note after So...
Smith5: TEE, a drink with jam and bread...
Smith6: DOE, a deer, a female deer...
Smith7: and that will bring us back to ME, ME, ME...(grabs a stunned Neo and all the Smiths dogpile on him)
Coming soon: The Sound of Matrix
pure pant pissing genius (neo confronts the agents in M2 for the first time.)
Neo: hiya fellas.
Agent 1: It's him.
Agent 2: The anomoly.
Agent 3: Do we procede?
Agent 1: Screw that, i'm tired of getting my ass kicked by this guy.
(all the agents run away)
(back at the Neb.)
Morpheus on the phone: Is Neo alright?
Link: Alright, s**t he didn't even break a sweat. Originally posted by Hitman
Agent Johnson(?) walks into the alley during the Burly Brawl.
Smith steps out in front of him.
Agent: You...
Smith: Me...(shoves his hand in Agent's chest)...Me, me, me....
Smith2: Me too...
The fighting stops. Neo, out of breath, looks around confused.
All of a sudden, the Smiths line up, chorus line style.
Smith1: Me...a name, I call myself...
Smith2: FA, a long long way to run...
Smith3: SO, what you do with needle and thread...
Smith4: LA, a note after So...
Smith5: TEE, a drink with jam and bread...
Smith6: DOE, a deer, a female deer...
Smith7: and that will bring us back to ME, ME, ME...(grabs a stunned Neo and all the Smiths dogpile on him)
Coming soon: The Sound of Matrix
That's the best one I've ever heard....:)
___________
"Dodge This..." Spoon Boy: Do not try and bend the spoon...that is impossible...
Neo: No it's not, look (grabs the spoon and bends it in half with his hands)...look, I can make it in a U shape...
Spoon Boy: (sighs) You're not too bright, are you?
Spoon Boy: Instead, only try to realize the truth...
Neo: That it's a good thing I don't have too many lines?
Spoon Boy: Well, that's true too...but no...that there is no spoon.
Neo: .....but it's...it's right there...i can see it....
Spoon Boy: (smacks Neo in the head with the spoon) That's it! I'm telling the Oracle on you... Neo: Hiya Fellas...
Agent1: It's him.
Agent2: The anomaly...
Agent3: Do we procede?
Agent1: Nah, let him go. I'm in the mood for some pancakes.
Agent2: Let's go to IHOP.
Agent3: No, Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles.
Neo: uh...fellas...hello?
Agent2: I'm sorry...did you want to go?
Neo: ...............................yes.
and so...the agents and Neo went to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles for breakfast and the Matrix was never the same again... lmao! that last one was great! Hitman, your a natural at these! They are all hilarious! Thank you...it helps to have a job that's boring sometimes.... Originally posted by Hitman
Thank you...it helps to have a job that's boring sometimes....
if thats tru then i must b hilarious, because i work @ dominos u work at domino's? bring us some free pizza sometime lol sure ill send it to ya in america or whereever u live lol
its funny when i tell my frend si got a job at dominos they either ask for a free pizza or ask to see if there are any other job spaces there yes,I live in america. where do u live? i didn't know domino's had spread to other countries. they have them in america, because when i got a job my parents were over the moon, they nvever thought the day wood come! so they told every1 we kno, even my aunt n unlce who live in calif, in ventura, and they sent me a dominos pizza box over, thanx aunty n uncle, so much better than an xmas present! I know it's in america, i didn't know domino's was anywhere else Originally posted by iamatwin
They sent me a dominos pizza box over, thanx aunty n uncle, so much better than an xmas present!
LOL....THEY SENT YOU A PIZZA BOX?!?!?! And what country do you live in anyway, iamatwin....at first I thought you were from the U.S. ........? I think she's from England.
There are actually quite a lot of poms on this website. Poms! I'd like to be angry, but I just find that name funny :D Haven't seen you on for a while....must keep missing u...... LOL! THis is a nice corner of the forum...its my first foray into the unknown here n I love it! Really great jokes-not one-liners by the way but heck who wants those?!
Here's my try:
Morpheus:"...I believe this night holds for each and every one of us, the very meaning of our lives." <looks expectantly around>
Niobe shakes her head
Morpheus:"What is it Niobe?"
Niobe:"Man there you go again. Ghost-? Ghost wake up!"
Keymaker:"ZZrt-huh oh excuse me...all that excitement in the afternoon..." <glances sheepishly at watch> "Oh dear look at the time-midnight! Let's go..."
Everyone leaves
Morpheus:"Hey. Hey what about my speech? Hello? Neo? Hey!!"
Johnson:"It's him."
Jackson:"The Anomaly."
Thompson:"Do we proceed?"
Jackson:"Yes."
Thompson:"He is still.."
Johnson:"Only human."
Goes up to the expectant Neo but stops a step from him.
Johnson:<whistles>...stares at spot behind Neo. "-You..."
Neo:"Huh what-Smith isn't supposed to come so-?" <twists around>
Johnson sucker-punches Neo
Neo(on floor):"Ow...Upgrades..."
MeroVingian:"...I have sampled all languages and French is my favourite...followed by Chinese. Wanna hear a sample?"
Morpheus:"Uh no really, your french is quite suffi-"
MeroVingian:"No no I insist! Zhen shi de-ze me mei li mao! Ni ma ma ze me jiao ni gen bie ren jiang hua de? Hao xing wo ba ni reng chu qu!!....It's like wiping your arse in REAL CHINESE SILK...!"
Smith:"Mr Anderson!!"
Trinity:"Oh no..."
Morpheus Trinity and Link stare at the code in horror. Then-
Morpheus:"Thompson..."
Trinity and Link turn back to stare at him.
Morpheus:"-What?...Jackson?"
They exchange looks
Morpheus:"Help me out here-they all look the same to me!...Johnson?"
Link raises his eyebrows. Trinity shakes her head.
Morpheus<incredulous>:"...Mulder?"
Ho ho! The last one was really good! Anyone know what my chinese meant? Dun worry it wasn't vulgar... yea! Mulder! I love the x-files! Originally posted by Truth
Poms! I'd like to be angry, but I just find that name funny :D
Hey, don't take it to heart. I'm half Pom too. Well, at least my Dad's English. I was born in Australia and I live in Israel. What does that make me?
I didn't know anyone outside of Australia even knew what poms meant. Anyway, all you poms out there, please accept my humble apologies. Originally posted by Oracle2.0
yea! Mulder! I love the x-files!
Me too!
I watched almost all of the episodes but I can't get hold of the last season here in Israel. Doesn't that suck? Originally posted by TheRealMatrix
LOL....THEY SENT YOU A PIZZA BOX?!?!?! And what country do you live in anyway, iamatwin....at first I thought you were from the U.S. ........?
nah im a brit, and wots a pom?
oh yeah xfiles rock!! me seen em all! swtich: we don't have time for 20 questions ...
neo: but i just want to know ..
switch: shhhh ..
neo: i meant to ask u ...
switch: zip it ...
neo : but ...
switch: ok that's it ...
neo: what ?
switch: it's ur last question ....
-BOOM-
trinity: great, now u killed him, morpheus will kick ur butt ! those "spoofs" are a little..uh yeah and i like one of them, being the EAT THE COOKIE!that one ... Originally posted by psy
swtich: we don't have time for 20 questions ...
neo: but i just want to know ..
switch: shhhh ..
neo: i meant to ask u ...
switch: zip it ...
neo : but ...
switch: ok that's it ...
neo: what ?
switch: it's ur last question ....
-BOOM-
trinity: great, now u killed him, morpheus will kick ur butt !
LoLoL okay ppl here is one of my only spoof as im not that good
Switch: we dont have time for 20 questions.
Neo: but
Switch: zip it!
Neo: i wanted to..
Switch: zip it!
Neo: bu..
Switch: zip!
Neo: all im saying..
Switch: if you gotta problem, you must zip it! zip it good!
Neo: what?
*mini switch appears @ switchs side and she does dr evil face*
Switch: mwahahaha, how bout NO scott? your welcome ^ _ ^ um dude... i sent you flowers! check your email lol u must av been bored! cool tho thanx!
n e way back on topic...... heh i was pretty bored lol i like that one matrix spoof/poem its funny it was posted: "written by dr. suess." Agent Smith: If you tell us where Morpheus is…we will clean the slate, so to say. Including your late blockbuster tape…your fee is quite large.
Neo: (gasp!) The Sound Of Music! I forgot to return that one…thanks for reminding me. Agent Smith: You hear that Mr. Anderson? It is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound of your death.
Neo: (looks straight ahead on the subway tunnel.) What sound?
Agent Smith: (looks forward and sees no subway.) Oh (censored!) My watch must be off. Erm….the sound of your death shall be here soon. lol i kinda imgined neo wearing a small pink white polka dotted scarf when he said (gasp!) the sound of music! Agent Smith: It seems…Mr. Anderson…that you have three lives…one as a worker for a respectable computer company… and in your second life you are a hacker, alias Neo…your third life is a Chippendale Dancer…
Neo: (gasp!) How did you find that out?
Agent Smith: He’s your biggest fan. (points to another agent, who winks at him.)
Neo: O_O Originally posted by SullenGiRLaFa
lol i kinda imgined neo wearing a small pink white polka dotted scarf when he said (gasp!) the sound of music!
lol yeah and turqiouse beaded necklace to hold his shades on like old ladies sometime wear! omg! thats good! hee hee an exotict dancer neo is. Originally posted by iamatwin
sorry but im on a roll
Agent Smith: It seems…Mr. Anderson…that you have three lives…one as a worker for a respectable computer company… and in your second life you are a hacker, alias Neo…your third life is a Chippendale Dancer…
Neo: (gasp!) How did you find that out?
Agent Smith: He’s your biggest fan. (points to another agent, who winks at him.)
Neo: O_O
Hey, that's not an original!
Have you no shame? iamatwin, ur on a roll today!
Smith: Mr Anderson...surprised to see me?
Neo: no.
Smith: Just...a little bit?
Neo:not really.
Smith: come on, admit it....I surprised... you
Neo:no you didn't.
Smith: ****, there goes my 'element of surprise' plan... Originally posted by iamatwin
whaa?
I've seen that "he's your biggest fan" line somewhere before. Don't tell me you thought that up yourself. that last one was great oracle lol
i got a one liner morpheus perv thing lol
morpheus:I am a slave, like everyone else I was born into bondage. ;)
neo: 0_o Macloud....Oh my....LMFAOROTFL!!!!! I love these!!!!!!!!
Johnson:"It's him."
Jackson:"The Anomaly."
Thompson:"Do we proceed?"
Jackson:"Yes."
Thompson:"He is still.."
Johnson:"Only human."
Goes up to the expectant Neo but stops a step from him.
Johnson:<whistles>...stares at spot behind Neo. "-You..."
Neo:"Huh what-Smith isn't supposed to come so-?" <twists around>
Johnson sucker-punches Neo
Neo(on floor):"Ow...Upgrades..."
MeroVingian:"...I have sampled all languages and French is my favourite...followed by Chinese. Wanna hear a sample?"
Morpheus:"Uh no really, your french is quite suffi-"
MeroVingian:"No no I insist! Zhen shi de-ze me mei li mao! Ni ma ma ze me jiao ni gen bie ren jiang hua de? Hao xing wo ba ni reng chu qu!!....It's like wiping your arse in REAL CHINESE SILK...!"
Smith:"Mr Anderson!!"
Trinity:"Oh no..."
Morpheus Trinity and Link stare at the code in horror. Then-
Morpheus:"Thompson..."
Trinity and Link turn back to stare at him.
Morpheus:"-What?...Jackson?"
They exchange looks
Morpheus:"Help me out here-they all look the same to me!...Johnson?"
Link raises his eyebrows. Trinity shakes her head.
Morpheus<incredulous>:"...Mulder?"
Iamatwin...I see you're giving me a run for my money....Hmmm...guess I'd better stop working and try to get some more of these up here...don't want to lose my title! :) Continuation of peyote cookie joke...
Neo steps outside, looks kinda goofy.
Morpheus: she gave you a cookie didnt she...
Neo: yahuh
Morpheus:(sighs, pulls out a tape recorder)
Neo: whats that for?
Morpheus: well, your not gonna remember ANYTHING for the next three days, and all the action and serious talky things happen then during this movie, so i figured id just tape it for you, then we get to show it at your 21st as well. (sighs) this happened to Cypher as well in the "Sound of Matrix", all those hills and cookies, he was never the same again...
ok so i just sorta made this one up as i went along...
yes i like to make up terms like "sex lemur", along with "love cruskit" and "Shnerples" Originally posted by freeyourmind
Hey, don't take it to heart. I'm half Pom too. Well, at least my Dad's English. I was born in Australia and I live in Israel. What does that make me?
I didn't know anyone outside of Australia even knew what poms meant. Anyway, all you poms out there, please accept my humble apologies.
wait a sec, you were born in AUSTRALIA, but now you live in Israel, now forgive me if you are highly Patriotic, but that kinda sux.
I was born in Canada but mum and dad were on a business trip. hell, I aint complaining, dual citizenship. then we came back to Australia. Man, answer me this, why are you in Israel? Never been there and all but doesnt Australia kick the CRAP outa there? what with all, oh i dunno, BOMBS and killing and machine guns and crazy horny primates (specifically lemurs) and all? and by the way, if anyones seen the movie "Kangaroo Jack" then youd know what Australia ISNT.
We dont all talk like that, in fact the only person i know that talks like that is Bluey down the pub, and Shazza up Duff Creek, and the other day me Old Man was chuckin another shrimp on the barbie and he said, "Hey Marc, come over here mate, you know your the most true blue fair dinkum mate of a son an old bushranger like me could want?...mate ?"
and i said......"Crikey"
See?
were not all wierd. lemurs live on only one country: Madgasscar. They don't live inb Isreal, Windtalker.*I should put this in that one post in 'the lounge'* i know they dont live in Israel, i just wanted to use the word lemur again.
If youve ever played Turok: Evolution, there are lemurs EVERYWHERE. Originally posted by TheWindMinstrel
wait a sec, you were born in AUSTRALIA, but now you live in Israel, now forgive me if you are highly Patriotic, but that kinda sux.
I was born in Canada but mum and dad were on a business trip. hell, I aint complaining, dual citizenship. then we came back to Australia. Man, answer me this, why are you in Israel? Never been there and all but doesnt Australia kick the CRAP outa there? what with all, oh i dunno, BOMBS and killing and machine guns and crazy horny primates (specifically lemurs) and all?
Actually I was born during a trip on behalf of the Jewish Agency - my parents were to teach Jewish Studies at a Melbourne school. The agency does a lot of sending of English speaking Israeli families to these trips around the world.
Anyway, what I'm saying is my parents were already living in Israel but I was born on a temporary stay in Australia.
Israel is a wonderful country. It gets tough here but it's my home. I didn't really enjoy my stay in Melbourne anyway.
We're al hopeful the BOMBS and machine guns stop soon, as we're in the middle of yet another peace-process and I'm actually optimistic.
There's nothing we can do about the crazy horny primates, but eventually you get used to them.
Happy ageny hunting. Originally posted by TheWindMinstrel
i know they dont live in Israel, i just wanted to use the word lemur again.
If youve ever played Turok: Evolution, there are lemurs EVERYWHERE.
While we're on the topic, what the hell are lemurs??? Architect: Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here
(Neo with a confused look on his face)
Neo: whoa, like i have no idea what that meant. what the hell does inexorably mean.?
Architect: sh*t, thats the 6th time you anomolies have said that. You would figure that one of you would have figured it out by now. heheheheh.
sorry if i offended you, didnt mean to.
Yeh well thats all this post is about.
Plus its this threads 100th post!!!!
Funny one liners is on like 322, so were actually catching up!
yay oh....a...humph.....poo....knickers....dung...lemurs are small monkeys with fluffy tails that walk funny...
and while i was posting my 100th post, two toerh posts came in.....
how anti-climatic! Originally posted by TheWindMinstrel
heheheheh.
sorry if i offended you, didnt mean to.
Yeh well thats all this post is about.
Plus its this threads 100th post!!!!
Funny one liners is on like 322, so were actually catching up!
yay
Hey, if we keep spamming like this, we might overtake them! guys, let's get back to the funny stuff.
Morpheaus: Unfortunately, no one can be told what the matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.
Neo: Um...can't you just describe it in detail?
Morpheaus: Hmm...I never thought of that...
Neo: Also, I read the script, and you actually do explain it to me, in a way.
Morpheaus: well, it looks cooler if I 'show' it to you instead...besides, it makes me look good Originally posted by TheWindMinstrel
oh....a...humph.....poo....knickers....dung...lemurs are small monkeys with fluffy tails that walk funny...
and while i was posting my 100th post, two toerh posts came in.....
how anti-climatic!
Uh, sorry.
Could you post a picture of a lemur?
It's seems it's kind of a hot topic right now. I'd like to know what we're talking about. Morpheus: Do you think me being able to move faster than you has anything to do with my muscles?
Neo: Well...yeh
quick and to the point and STOP TALKING ABOUT LEMURS!
but now you got me on the subject ill have a look! ;) while everyone was talkin about lemurs, I posted something earlier. tell me what you think of it. u don't know wat a lemur is, use a dictionary! I want to go back to the main subject! grr...I need a cookie... ahhhh mate, you stole that of another post...sorry. You all missed another one of mine as well..
and heres a LEMUR!! i didnt steal anything. if someone else already wrote it though. sorry Originally posted by Matrix Warrior
while everyone was talkin about lemurs, posted something earlier. tell me what you think of it.
It's alright. But I've been checking out these jokes for a while now, and your joke appears like ten times in different variations. I'm not accusing you of copying, though. It's a joke begging to be told. Cypher(while leaping onto Morpheaus's matrixed out body): Surprise, jack***!
Tank(looking up): what the hell are you doing?
Cypher: well, I...
Tank: dude, you should've listened to mouse when he offered the lady in the red dress...
Cypher: yeah. I got too lonely... ehh, no hard feelings. this joke thing isn't easy to begin with. its hard to come up w/ an original. That post is told in heaps of different ways and im sorry, i was just SO excited to finally get a lemur out into this forum!!
satisfy you FreeYourMind?
I would get more pics but Oracles gettin Narcky.
so off the subjet of lemurs and back REAL humour.
(they do look funny though dont they?)
ROFL! that Cypher on Morpheus one is one of the best ones so far! Originally posted by TheWindMinstrel
ahhhh mate, you stole that of another post...sorry. You all missed another one of mine as well..
and heres a LEMUR!!
Those are very cute lemurs!
Sorry, oracle, I'll go back to the subject now. If only I could write good jokes...
I posted this one in your competitor's forum. I don't know whether it's funny or not. It was late at night.
(At the subway station in M1 , Neo and Smith jump towards eachother shooting bullets, then they land on the floor, eachone with a gun to the other's head)
Smith: You're empty
Neo: No I'm not. (blows Smith's head off)
I regret this already.
Be gentle. Originally posted by Oracle2.0
Cypher(while leaping onto Morpheaus's matrixed out body): Surprise, jack***!
Tank(looking up): what the hell are you doing?
Cypher: well, I...
Tank: dude, you should've listened to mouse when he offered the lady in the red dress...
Cypher: yeah. I got too lonely...
Nice one.
No hard feelings about the lemur business, right?
Did you have your cookie yet? heheheheheheh...heheheh..heheh.heh that was good in a sorta mindless chuckle kinda way.
and can someone PLEASE tell me what they thought of my last two attempts to be funny?
my imaginary possum friend Jimbo is the only one who listens to me... Yeah, I told you I suck at this.
I'm talking too much.
I don't usually do this.
I'll shut up now. no that was a compliment
i am a very mindless guy, and if you havnt guessed that already then maybe your the same as me
keep going!!
remember, quantity, not Quality!!!!! ;) sorry guys, I didn't mean to seem to harsh. To make it up to you, free cookies for everyone! You guys are crazy. I have never seen a better site than this one. Everyone keep up the good work. Originally posted by TheWindMinstrel
ahhhh mate, you stole that of another post...sorry. You all missed another one of mine as well..
and heres a LEMUR!!
lemurs are the cool dudes of the apes, or woteva they r, they looks like zebra monkeys i cant get enuf o them, lemurs rock! Originally posted by TheWindMinstrel
my imaginary possum friend Jimbo is the only one who listens to me...
urs were really funny dude! :p
and my imaginary friend sidney the wilderbeast deserted me cos he found me too borin :p Originally posted by Matrix Warrior
Architect: Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here
(Neo with a confused look on his face)
Neo: whoa, like i have no idea what that meant. what the hell does inexorably mean.?
Architect: sh*t, thats the 6th time you anomolies have said that. You would figure that one of you would have figured it out by now.
haha the arc didnt hold back his mouth on neo b/c he had it lol Originally posted by iamatwin
hey the arcs a badd a$$!
there are most than one arc? as in plural!? http://smilies.jeeptalk.org/contrib/dvv/sconf.giffreaky deaky -ness lol sorry my bd, spelling aint my strong point as ya may av noticed!
i meant *arc's*
bad twin bad! I'm not sure it's funny but:
Morpheus and neo in the white room:
Morpheus: This is the construct. It's our loading program. We can load anything from clothing, to equipment, weapons, training simulations, anything we need.
Neo: Right now we're inside a computer program?
Morpheus: Is it really so hard to believe? Your clothes are different. The plugs in your arms and head are gone. Your hair has changed. Your appearance now is what we call residual self image. It is the mental projection of your digital self.
Neo: And why do i have 3 hands and a beard?
Morpheus: Oh, Mouse reprogramed your code inside the matrix.... Morpheus: I imagine that right now you're feeling a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole? Hm?
Neo: You could say that.
Morpheus: I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, this is not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
Morpheus: I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain. But you feel it. You've felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is but it's there, like a splinter in your mind driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Neo: Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You
have to see it for yourself.
Morpheus: ??? That's supposed to be my line!!!
Neo: But it's unfair! You have all the cool lines!
Morpheus: You have cool lines too. For example: Whoa! , Wha, Wooooo! (Phone)
Neo: I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone and then I'm going to...
Phone: Please insert a coin....
Neo: Damn!!!!!! He he he, you have qualified BambaMan. Except for the first one, sorry. He he. bamba, that last one was hilarious, dude. become a regular, we need to get as many posts as 'Funny One Liners'.
Morpheaus(on cell): Tank, I... Tank? Tank? Oh, ****
Trinity: What is it?
Morpheaus: I forgot to charge my Nokia, **** Bamba Man,
your first one was bad, and really quite sad
your second was great, yet still open to debate
but your third one brang joy and love to this thread, and if you dont post more soon then this link will be dead ;)
become a regular man.
The alliance needs you...
teehee! Thanks! I glad someone loved my jokes! Originally posted by ...
Hey guys .. i'm a newbie. I luv the Matrix ..
the thing i came to say is, please.. please ..
visit "pointlesswasteoftime.com", and scroll down all the way down to the bottom and find
Most Popular Articles: "The Matrix:Rejected" link ..
Click on the link to enter a site where a certain
Dr Alfred Oxford, PhD has compiled 50 reasons to reject the Matrix.
Read it.
Your blood will boil.
One good thing about their forum is that non - registered users can also post. Visit the site pple. We must never let lies and false accusations slander the Matrix.
once again, it is ..
WWW.POINTLESSWASTEOFTIME.COM ... ARRR!!
I just read it. That is the type of stuff that makes me so mad. These people don't have a clue what they are talking about. Seems like this so call Dr. has to much time on his hands. Who is he to judge. I think he's full of it. Is it because he is looking to point the finger at someone for what happen at that school. Those boys made a choice. You talk about the movie but where were the parents. I'm tired of people always trying to put the blame on other people than where it needs to be. The Matrix movies are the best so you need to leave it alone. We can not let this so call Dr. try to put a stop to part 3. Thank you for taking the time to read this. The Matrix has you. Wow bamba-man that's a huge sig ya got...one of my favourite speeches!
Seraph: "...I am Seraph-I can take you to her, but first I must apologize..."
Neo stiffens
Neo: "Apologize for what?"
Seraph: "For this..."
Seraph extends his hand, but not in a blow. Neo is confused
Neo: "-what?-"
Seraph: "Hey-don't I at least I get a tip?"
Neo: "Why are you here?"
Oracle: "Same reason as you; I love candy..."
Neo: "No wonder you have diabetes-oh wait."
Oh man that was cruel I'm so sorry!!!
MeroVingian: "lipstick? what lipstick? there's no lipstick woman..."
Persephone: "She wasn't kissing your face my love."
MeroVingian looks down at his shirt all covered with lipstick
MeroVingian: "My Versace! I told her not to get carried away wif branded goods...now she's ruined it-woman you'll be the death of me!..."
Smith: "...Because as we both know without purpose:we would not exist."
Smiths appear.
Smith1: "It is purpose that created us-"
Smith2: "Purpose that connects us-"
Smith3: "Purpose that drives-"
Smith5: "Wait-that's my line!"
Smith3: "Too bad I said it first!"
Smith6: "-But I wanted to say it too!"
Smith4: "-Me three!"
Smith7: "-Me four!..."
Neo looks around in disbelief and chuckles
Orginal Smith(shaking head): "I hate being me..." On the rooftop:
Trinity: Tank, give me the driving program for B-212 helicopter.
Tank loads the program into her.
Trinity: "Let's go"
She gets in the helicopter and takes off, but after a while she looses control over the helicopter.
Trinity: "Tank, what happened?"
Tank: "I'm sorry, but that driving program was time-limited demo-version and it experied already." that was...ok. u have potiential, keep it up! keep em up ppl theyre all gr8! (Nebuchadnezzar)
Trinity: Call Neo, now.
Link: I lost him, they're inside the portal.
Trinity: What about the grid?
Link: Everything's still operational, the emergency system is already rerouting power...Jesus, as soon as they open that door, it's all over.
Trinity: The h*** it is.
Link: What are you...Trinity!
Trinity: I will not stand here and do nothing; I will not wait here to watch them die.
Link: Trinity, we're talking less than 5 minutes here.
Trinity: What are you thinking? I 'll take a rest. Tell me later what happened there. Smith: I'm looking for Neo.
Doorkeeper: Never heard of him.
Smith: Oh, excuse me. Bye bye.
Doorkeeper: Never mind. Bye.
//Smith walks and suddenly stops.
Smith: Uhm...wait a minute. Niobe: I remember I remember you used to dance, I remember you were pretty good.
Morpheus: There are some things in this world, Captain Niobe, that will never change.
Niobe: ...And I remember...that you were...so...virile like hell...;)
Morpheus: Uhmm, there are some things in this world, Captain Niobe, that unfortunatelly change. And I feel like these and this one were posted already, or are similar. But what the h......many have spammed just posting the same jokes again so.
(The Matrix)
Bane: You alright?
Malachi: I'll make it. Did you see that agent? I've never seen anything like that.
//Smith jumps in dresed in a pink dress, slippers, and a diver's helmet.
Smith: Hey, don't look at me like that. I just thought it was cool. Haahaha those are good! i love the first one with Smith askin for Neo. Smith: Mr. Anderson, you get my package?
Neo: Yeah.
Smith: Well good.
Neo: And I have something for you here.
Smith: Really?! What is it?
Neo: It's a spoon.
Smith: Oh....and what's the matter with that?
Neo: You see, there is no spoon.
Smith: So?
Neo: Well...that....emm, don't try to bend it, it's impossible.
Smith: You really don't get it yet, right?
Neo: ..he he..mm...no....(embarrassed)
//Oracle appears again to say the next and hide again
Oracle: I told you, not too bright. Thanks guys...but i'm striving for FUNNIEST!!!
I should have some more for you tomorrow when I get back to work...
Neo catches Trinity after she falls from the building and takes a bullet to the chest. She dies and he reaches inside of her, removes the bullet, and massages her heart back to life.
Trinity: I guess that makes us even...
Neo: The h*ll it does! You owe me big time...
Trinity: What? Please...you wouldn't even be the ONE if it weren't for me...
Neo: Oh, sure...bring THAT up again...
Trinity: Yeah, that's right...THAT again! Before ME you were just some lowly programmer stuck in a job he hated looking at porn on the internet...
Neo: HEY!
Trinity: Had you ever even BEEN with a woman before I came along?
Neo: HEY!!!!! ..................................no................
Trinity: Mmm hmm...So....I guess that makes us even...RIGHT?
Neo: ..............right.............i love you Trinity.....
Trinity: Uh huh....go save the world or something.....
Neo: Yes Ma'am.... (Nebuchadnezzar)
Link: This has got to be the ugliest hack I have ever done...
Trinity: The ugliest? bah. You have to watch M1 again an see the rescue of Morpheus. That was a challenge.
Link: Uhg..ok! ok!, excuse me. Forgive me for say my lines. And I think it helps with the dramatic mood in this scene.
Trinity: Oh well, dramatize as many as you want. Just load me.
Link: Ha, ok. Sit there now. (sacartic) Also, I have some other useless line like "I can't take this" with a stupid expression in my face when you are resurrected by Neo. That is, if it doesn't bother you. Originally posted by Hitman
Thanks guys...but i'm striving for FUNNIEST!!!
I should have some more for you tomorrow when I get back to work...
Neo catches Trinity after she falls from the building and takes a bullet to the chest. She dies and he reaches inside of her, removes the bullet, and massages her heart back to life.
Trinity: I guess that makes us even...
Neo: The h*ll it does! You owe me big time...
Trinity: What? Please...you wouldn't even be the ONE if it weren't for me...
Neo: Oh, sure...bring THAT up again...
Trinity: Yeah, that's right...THAT again! Before ME you were just some lowly programmer stuck in a job he hated looking at porn on the internet...
Neo: HEY!
Trinity: Had you ever even BEEN with a woman before I came along?
Neo: HEY!!!!! ..................................no................
Trinity: Mmm hmm...So....I guess that makes us even...RIGHT?
Neo: ..............right.............i love you Trinity.....
Trinity: Uh huh....go save the world or something.....
Neo: Yes Ma'am....
LMFAO
yes ma'am these r great guys. i'm thinking of another one, but i'm too busy reading these! I GIVE UP! (bows down). i can't be THAT funny! I will leave the laughs to you people... This is ****.
I live in Austrealia and were on a completely different time to you guys. So if i ever want to be on when you guys r on, i gotta be up at 2:00 am.
And then when i go to check my email, all of a sudden i have 130 unread messages and when i come in to check all the subscribed threads, no ones on!!
oh well, what can ya do... Morph: Tonight is not an accident. There are no accidents. We have not come here by chance. I do not believe in chance when I see 3 objectives, 3 captains, 3 ships. I do not see..."
Niobe: Excuse me? You are darn right it's not an accident. I'm not here to help you out pal. In case you've forgotten, your spousal support check is due.
Morph: Oh... I think that's next month, Niobe...
Niobe: It's this month and you know it. Pay up. Now.
Morph: Can't i finish my speech first? Please? The funniest thing that happens in movies is when someone trips. Think of every movie you ever saw, including the matrix movies, and think how funny it would be if at crucial points a characters trips. Morpheus: "All of our lives we have fought this war. Tonight I believe we can end it. Tonight is not an accident. There are no accidents. We have not come here by chance. I do not believe in chance when I see 3 objectives, 3 captains, 3 ships. I do not see"
Morpheus: "Damn, This line is to long. I can't remember it. Why o why i always have the long lines"
[Morpheus starts crying]
W. Bros:"Don't Cry morpheus. In revolutions you will get only short lines. please don't cry..."
Morpheus:"Thank you..." awww poor morpheus. I feel so sorry for him and his lines...... i kno its not a parody, but its still a funny matrix thingy the guy's gonna get ran over when that truck comes! LOL!
Trinity and the guy from "phone booth" LOL great gags...n a great idea homertrix!
Morpheus: "...Look around you Neo-what do you see? Lawyers, business men...people who live in the-Oof!!"
He knocks into someone in the oncoming mob.
Morpheus: "You think it's the year 1999 well from our guess its more like the year 2199..."
Neo: "-Wait; how did you know?"
Morpheus: "................... don't second-guess me."
Oracle: "...I guarantee that once you're finished with this cookie, you'll feel right as rain."
A bit of her cigarette ash falls on the cookie
Neo: "Ewwwww...."
Oracle: "-Sorry..." <Switches cookies> "Here have this instead!..."
Switch: "...Not like this. Not like this."
Long pause. She's still alive
Switch: "What the-hey i'm alright! what's Cypher doing any-"
Plug is pulled; she dies
Cypher <over phone>: "...Like THIS. Gotcha!"
Cypher <chomps on a piece of juicy steak>: "...Ignorance is bliss."
Smith: "Er it's really no business of mine caring about this, but that steak you ate looks quite raw; I think the waiters cooked it too rare..."
Cypher: "-Shut up! Didn't I say ignorance is bliss?" Councillor Hamann: Care for some company?
Neo: Councillor Hamann....No...
Councillor Hamann: I don't want to intrude if you prefer to be alone.
Neo: Good...I want to be alone....
Councillor Hamann: Good, so could I. It's nice tonight. Very calm. Feels like everyone's sleeping very peacefully.
Neo: Not everyone....I was sleep till you woke me up...I sleep standing up...
Councillor Hamann: I hate sleeping. I never sleep more than a few hours. I figure I slept the first 11 years of my life, now I'm making up for it. What about you?
Neo: I just haven't been able to sleep much...since people like you keep bugging me...
Councillor Hamann: It's a good sign.
Neo: Of what?
Councillor Hamann: That you are, in fact, still human. Have you ever been to the engineering level? I love to walk there at night, it's quite amazing. Would you like to see it?
Neo: No....I want to go back to sleep....please.....
Councillor Hamann: Almost no one comes down here, unless, of course, there's a problem. That's how it is with people - nobody cares how it works as long as it works. I like it down here. I like to be reminded this city survives because of these machines. These machines are keeping us alive, while other machines are coming to kill us. Interesting, isn't it? Power to give life, and the power to end it.
Neo: We have the same power...except for the power to take a bloody nap...
Councillor Hamann: I suppose we do, but down here sometimes I think about all those people still plugged into the Matrix and when I look at these machines, I.. I can't help thinking that in a way, we are plugged into them.
Neo: But we control these machines, they don't control us....now can I please get a friggin' nap?
Councillor Hamann: Of course not, how could they? The idea's pure nonsense, but... it does make one wonder just... what is control?
Neo: If we wanted, we could shut these machines down....I wish somebody would shut you down....so...tired....
Councillor Hamann: Of course... that's it. You hit it! That's control, isn't it? If we wanted, we could smash them to bits. Although if we did, we'd have to consider what would happen to our lights, our heat, our air.
Neo: So we need machines and they need us. Is that your point, Councillor? ...For cryin' out loud...get to the point!!!
Councillor Hamann: No, no point. Old men like me don't bother with making points. There's no point.
Neo: Is that why there are no young men on the Council? Because you old men don't let us young men sleep?
Councillor Hamann: Good point.
Neo: Fine, Fine....Why don't you tell me what's on your mind, Councillor? Maybe THEN I can go back to bed....
Councillor Hamann: There is so much in this world that I do not understand. See that machine? It has something to do with recycling our water supply. I have absolutely no idea how it works. But I do understand the reason for it to work. I have absolutely no idea how you are able to do some of the things you do, but I believe there's a reason for that as well. I only hope we understand that reason before it's too late.
Neo: ZZZZZZZ......zzzzzzz........ZZZZZZ.......Mmm...ZZZZ.....Trinity...
ZZZZ...ooh....zzzz.....yeah......that's it....zzzz.....yes mommy..... The Oracle: Well, come on. I ain't gonna bite ya. Come around here, and let me have a look at ya. My goodness, look at you! You turned out all right, didn't you? How do you feel?
Neo: I, uh...with my hands? The Oracle: Then Zion will fall. Our time is up. Listen to me, Neo. You can save Zion if you reach The Source, but to do that you will need the Keymaker.
Neo: The Keymaker?
The Oracle: Yes, he disappeared some time ago. We did not know what happened to him until now. He's being held prisoner by a very dangerous program, one of the oldest of us. He is called the Merovingian, and he will not let him go willingly.
Neo: What does he want?
The Oracle: What do all men with power want? More power...and women...lots and lots of women...He is good with the ladies...I'll give him that...he makes the best cake....mmmmmmmmm.... I can't remember the last time I felt....like....that.... I need to go see him myself...oooh...and the things he can do with his -
Neo: Oracle!!!
The Oracle: Ahem...Be there, at that exact time, and you will have a chance.
Seraph: We must go.
The Oracle: Seems like every time we meet I've got nothing but bad news. I'm sorry about that, I surely am. But for what it's worth, you've made a believer out of me. Good luck, kiddo. LOL!!! hitman, no one can beat you went it comes to jokes! True that, Oracle2.0! His are hilarious. I still hurt from laughing while typing this. Smith: Alright Morpheaus...I'm going to be honest with you...I am obsessed with the Care Bears. Lol....Good one Oracle 2.0......cheezy but good....;) Originally posted by Bamba-MAN
LOL!
Trinity and the guy from "phone booth"
that guy from "phone booth" is colin farel i think and hes really hot lol the guy who wants to kill him is the pizza guy! (the keymaker is opening a door w/ Morpheaus and Neo there)
(the door opens to the...Bat Cave)
Keymaker: oops let me try that again...
(he opens another door that leads to... Disneyland)
Keymaker: I need to lable these things... And that one about Hamann inspired me.
(Hamann's Quarters)
Lock: I was just told you cleared the Nebuchadnezzar for takeoff.
Hamann: That is correct.
Lock: Councillor, am I still in charge of our defense system?
Hamann: Of course.
Lock: I believe I need every ship we have if we're going to survive this attack.
Hamann: I understand that commander.
Lock: Then why did you allow the Nebuchadnezzar to leave?
Hamann: Because I believe I become too senile, and I losed mi pills too. Now, please, it's not reason to interrupt me at the toilet.
Lock: Councillor, It's not tha bath room!
Hamann: What?! Where the heck I'm doing my ****? Neo: My name is Neo.
Keymaker: Yes, I'm the Keymaker, I've been waiting for you. (blows key) Whooo! Whoo!
Neo: You've got a thing for keys, don't you?
Keymaker: Yes...they get me in lots of interesting places...you know the Playboy Mansion?
Morpheus: WHOA!!!! No way!!!
Neo: I was gonna say that...
Trinity: AHEM...boys...don't we have a job to do?
Neo: (whispering to Keymaker) Um....can you just...leave that key with me? Twin 1: We are getting aggravated.
Twin 2: No we're not...
Twin 1: Yes, we are...
Twin 2: No, WE'RE NOT...
Twin 1: Don't raise our voice at us...
Twin 2: Wait...what?
Twin 1: We heard us....
Twin 2: Uh...that doesn't make much sense...
Twin 1: What?
Twin 2: Who?
Twin 1: Second base!
Twin 2: GRRRRR......
Twin 1: Are we aggravated yet?
Twin 2: ..........yes....we ARE.... Keymaker: There's a building. Inside this building there's a level where no elevator can go, and no stair can reach. This level is filled with doors. These doors lead to many places, hidden places, but one door is special. One door leads to the Source. This building is protected by a very secure system. Every alarm triggers the bomb.
Vector: B..b...b...Bomb? Did he say bomb? Zoiks!!!
Niobe: (sighs) You're such a scaredy cat...Will you do it for a Matrix Snack?
Vector: That'd be Groovy, Daph...er, Niobe!
Scooby Doo: RE ROO! (Me too!)
Niobe: (Pulls out box of Matrix Snacks, tosses one to Vector and Scooby Doo) ANYWAY, Proceed, Mr. Keymaker guy...
Keymaker: But like all systems it has a weakness. The system is based on the rules of a building. One system built on another.
Morpheus: Electricity.
Keymaker: If one fails, so must the other.
Niobe: No electricity, no alarms.
Ghost: But you'd have to take out a whole city block to kill the power to a building like that.
Keymaker: Not one, 27.
Vector: Like, 27 blocks? Gee Scoob...that's a lot of walkin'...
Scooby Doo: Reah...Rot rof Ralkin'....
Morpheus: Ok...we'll split up, Niobe, Neo and I will go to the old Power plant...Vector, Ghost, Scooby Doo...you'll go to the old abandoned haunted house....
Vector: Zoiks...Scoob...hold me...
Scooby Doo: Rot right row, Raggy...Ri reed to ro rick ryself...
Vector: Zoiks...who knew the Matrix was so spooky... Smith: you look surprised to see me again, Mr. Anderson, that's the difference between us. I've been expecting you.
Neo: What do you want, Smith?
Smith: Oh you haven't figured that out? Still using all the muscles except the one that matters. I want exactly what you want. I want everything.
Morpheus: Would that include a bullet from this gun?
Smith: Well, ok...maybe not that...but you know the best thing about being me? There's so Mini-me's.....
(Hundreds of Mini-Me Smiths come running in)
Mini-Smiths: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Smith: No...wait...I meant to say "So many Me's"...MANY!!!! Bill and Ted's Excellent Matrix Adventure...
In the Architect's room, a phone booth appears...out step, Bill S. Preston, Esq., and Ted Theodore Logan...The Wyld Stallions!!!
Architect: Hello, Bill and Ted.
NeoTed: Whoa, dude...Who are you?
Architect: I am the Architect. I created the Matrix. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and though the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably human. Ergo some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant.
NeoTed: Uh....like, Why am I here?
Architect: Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the Matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which, despite my sincerest efforts, I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably... here.
NeoTed: Bogus, dude...You haven't answered my question.
Architect: Quite right. Interesting. That was quicker than the others.
TV Neos: Others? How many others? What others? Answer my question! Excellent!!!
Architect: The Matrix is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly to the emergence of the next, in which case this is the 6th version.
TV Neos: 5 `One's before me? 4 3 2 What are you talking about?
Neo: Uh....soo....like, There are only two possible explanations, either no one told me, or no one knows.
Architect: Precisely. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the anomaly is systemic - creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations.
TV Neos: You can't control me! I'm gonna smash you to bits!
NeoTed: Hey, Bill....
Bill: Yes, Ted...
NeoTed: This place totally sucks, dude...
Bill: Yes it does Ted...
NeoTed: Let's get in the phone booth and go back to San Dimas...
Bill: Excellent!!!
Architect: Well. That was the simplest Anomoly to rid myself of yet Originally posted by SullenGiRLaFa
that guy from "phone booth" is colin farel i think and hes really hot lol the guy who wants to kill him is the pizza guy!
The pizza guy he not the killer!!!
In the last minute of the movie the real killer says something to the guy from the phone booth. Take a look at this:
http://www.matrixfans.net/thematrix2/pics/mad-reloaded.jpg
This a crazy matrix comic i found in matrixfans.net neo is standing in the room of the architect...
neo: yo dude why do you keep all these pictures of me here on your screen...
arch: i know everithing about you i have all the pictures of you
maybea i am obsessive but...(he gets up from his chair)
i love you neo... i love you...
neo: yo man dont get any closer or your whity shirt will get dirty.
arch: oh yeaaa dirtyyy
neo: **** man whats the problem with you?
arch: if i wont have you...(he takes out a gun) then no one will
(his eyes are opened wide while he aims his gun against neo)
neo: please man dont do it please...
arch: i al so so sorry ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hi hi hi hi hi hi hi
it is my first one so dont get down on me so much... um.........u might want to work on that one. Hmmm....keep going! Practice makes perfect... Sooo....have you guys had enough of me or shall I continue on in my attempts to amuse? in the words of smith 'More'! Mwuhahahahahahaha!! Me, me me....Hitman will suffice.... I'll have more for you guys by Monday...back to work... here's one:
(burly brawl scene)
Smith: More...
(neo stops)
Neo: Excuse me? More? Why the **** do you think you need more? I'm just barely holding my own! And, I'm sick of all of these puns! 'Yes it's me. Me, me, me' 'Me too.' It's stupid! Besides, I have this whole keymaker **** to take care of. Don't you have anything better to do than mess with me? Tell you what, let's settle this over a coin toss.
Smith: Hmm....yes, a coin toss...but who's coin should we use?
neo: hmm....
(pause)
Neo: I know! Maybe the oracle has a coin we can use!
Smith(looking around): But...where...did she go?
Neo: Beats me. That ***** never sticks around long enough. And she's weird. She's always trying to feed me. 'Have a cookie' 'Want some candy?'
Smith: Well, you are pretty skinny... LMAO..."You are pretty skinny" LMFAO!
continuing that thought:
Smith: Well, you are pretty skinny...
Neo: What? Well at least I'm not always in the exact same suit all the time...do you know how that smells??
Smith: (getting irate) MISTER ANDERSON....I have had enough of these games...I can not deal with this any more...
Neo: (mocking) mister anderson...i have had enough of these games i can not deal with this any more...blah blah blah...are you finished?
Smith: ................................yes.
Neo: Good. Can we fight now?
Smith: I don't feel like fighting any more...i'm................sad.
Smiths: WE TOO....
Neo: Oh....oh.........oh dear.....i thought we were just messing around like always....i didn't know i really hurt you...all....(puts arm around Smith 1)...hey...it's ok...you don't really smell...
Smith: (sucker punches Neo in the gut) Still using every muscle except the one that COUNTS... lmao! that was great! thanx for continuing my spoof, Hitman! Originally posted by Hitman
Agent Johnson(?) walks into the alley during the Burly Brawl.
Smith steps out in front of him.
Agent: You...
Smith: Me...(shoves his hand in Agent's chest)...Me, me, me....
Smith2: Me too...
The fighting stops. Neo, out of breath, looks around confused.
All of a sudden, the Smiths line up, chorus line style.
Smith1: Me...a name, I call myself...
Smith2: FA, a long long way to run...
Smith3: SO, what you do with needle and thread...
Smith4: LA, a note after So...
Smith5: TEE, a drink with jam and bread...
Smith6: DOE, a deer, a female deer...
Smith7: and that will bring us back to ME, ME, ME...(grabs a stunned Neo and all the Smiths dogpile on him)
Coming soon: The Sound of Matrix
Absolutely the best thing I've read in a while.. I'm going to pop that up on a website that I goto often.. Hey, thanks...i feel so...so....appreciated....
i feel all warm and squishy inside...either that, or i need to change my diaper... Smith: It is...enevetable(sp?)
Neo: That...was from...the last movie... Oracle: Seems like I always have bad news...
Neo: tell me about it. First it's that I'm not the one and that Morph was gonna die. Now you tell me that the keymaker, the one guy I need is being held by some big shot Merovingian and that Trin might die. Can't you just once tell me something good? Like, if the Yankees will beat the Red Sox in the game tonight?
Oracle: Well...I'm not supposed to tell you this, but your right, you need to here some good news. The Red Sox will win the game.
Neo: great. Just great. I was rooting for the Yankees, you *****. I have to add Part II to one of my previous.
Part I
Smith: I'm looking for Neo.
Doorkeeper: Never heard of him.
Smith: Oh, excuse me. Bye bye.
Doorkeeper: Never mind. Bye.
//Smith walks and suddenly stops.
Smith: Uhm...wait a minute.
Part II
Smith 2: Let me show you how to do it.
//Smith 2 leaves.
Smith 2: I'm looking for Neo.
Doorkeeper: Never heard of him.
Smith 2: I have something for him. A gift, you see, he set me free.
//Smith 2 is back with the 'gift' in hand.
Smith: That went as expected.
Smith 2: Yes.
Smith: It's happening exactly as before.
Smith 2: Well, not exactly.
//Smith 2 shows the footprint he has in the ass Smith: Welcome back, Mr. Anderson....We've...missed you....
Neo: It ends tonight.
Smith: Welcome back, Mr. Anderson....We've...missed you....
Neo: You said that already...
Smith: Welcome back, Mr. Anderson....We've...missed you....
Neo: Hey...You've already said that...what's wrong with you?
Smith: Welcome back, Mr. Anderson....We've...missed you....
Neo: What is your problem??? Why do you keep saying that?
Morpheus: He hasn't downloaded the newest trailer for Revolutions, so this is the only line he knows...
Neo: Whoa... lol, hitman, I like it...:) It's true tho!!! Seraph: I protect that which is most important.
Neo: The Oracle...
Seraph: No. The script to Matrix Revolutions...
Smith: Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? that is the sound
of...inevitability...
Neo: Wait...Agent Smith. Your breath is absolutely lovely...what do
you use?
Smith: Uh...Listerine Breath Strips...(holds up the blue case)They
really are the best...
Neo: Nice...sucker!! (kicks him in the head and flips out of the way
of the oncoming train.
Smith: Noooo!! Damn product placement!!!!
During the dojo fight...
Morpheus: Come on...stop trying to hit me and HIT ME!!!
Neo: Oh, yeah...yelling at me's going to help...i mean, gosh...i may
be the one but i've got feelings too ya know...
Neo: I know kung fu.
Tank: No you don't...I messed up...saved under the wrong program name.
You know how to make Kung Pao Chicken.
Neo: whoa...
Trinity: How did you do that?
Neo: What?
Trinity: You moved like them. I've never seen anyone move that fast.
Neo: You should see me on a lonely Saturday night...
Trinity: What?
Neo: Did...I just say that out loud...? Another unjust joke about Morpheus' reputation.
(Nebuchadnezzar)
Neo: Jujitsu? I'm going to learn Jujitsu?... Holy s***.
Tank: Hey Mikey, I think he likes it. How about some more?
Neo: h*** yes. h*** yeah.
Morpheus: How is he?
Tank: Ten hours straight. He's a machine. And please, Sr...don't touch me like that.
Morpheus: hmm, what happen? perhaps you doubt youself..mmm?
Tank: Ehem..no..I just think..uh...
Neo: I know Kung...uh-oh.
Tank: Mm..ah, hey Mikey, I think he likes it. How about some more?
Neo: Uh, what? more?
//Neo look at Tank' scared expression
Neo: h*** yes. h*** yeah.
//Morpheus leaves
Tank: Omg, that was close.
---------------------------
(Nebuchadnezzar)
Morpheus: Welcome to the real world. We've done it, Trinity. We've found him.
Trinity: I hope you're right.
Morpheus: I don't have to hope. I know it.
Neo: Am I dead?
Morpheus: Far from it. But, what is real? How do you define real? If you're talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.
Trinity: Ehem, Morpheus...it isn't the right moment..
Morpheus: Oh, yeah. I know but, I'm so excited.
---------------------------
(Nebuchadnezzar)
Dozer: He still needs a lot of work.
Neo: What are you doing?
Morpheus: Your muscles have atrophied, we're rebuilding them. I'm applying some deodorant, you smell bad. Switch, tell me when manicure is done. Apoc, Tank. I said that grill to be 'red-hot', we have to tan his zombie skin. Trinity, what are you doing with that? finish these toenails now.
Trinity: All right! All right! Just..don't forget the penis enlargement, ok?
Neo: Why do my eyes hurt?
Dozer: Um, sorry about that. I'm not good with these needles. dont really get the first one seba, but the other two are great! aaaa! must get more posts....must ctach up...to..'one liners'... Yeah i noe what ye mean O2...hey seba I haven't seen jokes this good for a long time!...though the sexual bits are a little too er...heh heh.
Neo is being led to meet Morpheus. He sees him, and Morph turns to the flash of lightning. He smiles and his small pair of sunglasses twinkle ominously
Morpheus: "...Ah. Neo. You've finally arrived. I am Morpheus."
Neo: "Its a pleasure to meet you-"
Morph: "No....the pleasure is mine."
He extends a hand...but to nothing. He's facing the wrong the direction. Trinity pulls him back to Neo
Morph: "I'm sorry...you see I'm...visually impaired. It's the matrix....too much wool pulled over my eyes..."
Neo <to himself>: "...So that's why you had those sunglasses on indoors..."
Neo: "...I know Kung Fu."
Morpheus <leans close>: "...Show me."
A flash. The two are now atop a skyscraper.
Morpheus <rolls eyes>: "Not again..."
opens phone
Morpheus: "Tank-the sparring program, not the Jump. SPARRING..."
Tank: <Er...sorry Morph. My biggie...hold on.>
Another flash. They reappear in the middle of a busy street. Neo gets knocked off feet by crowd
Morpheus: "TANK..."
<spots the red-dressed lady. spots Smith> Smith fills Neo with fake lead
Another flash. Its the Desert of the Real. Neo collapses into the couch feeling all over his body to convince himself he isn't dead. Morph hangs his head in his palm
Morpheus: "...I knew I should've got Link firsthand..." Oracle: You're cuter than i thought. it's no wonder why she likes you...
Neo: Who?
Oracle: Duh! There are only 3 other women in this movie, you figure it out!
Neo: Well, I'm hoping for DuJour.... Thats AWESOME Oracle2.0!!! I love that one for no sane reason!!! ....lol......j/k *bows* thankyou, thankyou...don't forget to tip your server... Hmmm...nice one, Oracle 2.0....let's see....
Oracle: It's no wonder she likes you...
Neo: Who?
Oracle: Not too bright though...
Neo: No, I'm not...
Oracle: The fate of mankind rests in the mind of a moron...
Neo: Who?
Oracle: (Sighs) Have a cookie...by the time you finish it you'll feel right as rain.
Neo: (in best Cookie Monster voice) MMM!!! Cookie...Me love Cookie!!! (chomps it down, crumbs fly everywhere)
Oracle: Oh, good grief...I just vacuumed...I'll get one of the kids to clean it up...just go....save the world or something...
Neo: Me want more cookie!!!! LOL
Mouse: Wow! Look at his neuro-connetics!
*Switch Looks up*
Switch: And exactly what the hell are neuro-connetics? Originally posted by Hitman
Hmmm...nice one, Oracle 2.0....let's see....
Oracle: It's no wonder she likes you...
Neo: Who?
Oracle: Not too bright though...
Neo: No, I'm not...
Oracle: The fate of mankind rests in the mind of a moron...
Neo: Who?
Oracle: (Sighs) Have a cookie...by the time you finish it you'll feel right as rain.
Neo: (in best Cookie Monster voice) MMM!!! Cookie...Me love Cookie!!! (chomps it down, crumbs fly everywhere)
Oracle: Oh, good grief...I just vacuumed...I'll get one of the kids to clean it up...just go....save the world or something...
Neo: Me want more cookie!!!! ##
oh my god lmfao ask my bro i just fell off my chair laffin Neo in final fight with Smith
Smith: Mr. Aaanderson, welcome baack, weeeee missed yoou.
Neo: what missed me... ummm.... oh kay.
Smith: What you dont like the waaay i taaalk?
Neo: well its just that you draw out words until they run and cry for mercy.
For example, your next line is
"I know it eends ivve seen it, thats why the rest of meee has gathered here to watchhh the showww"
Smith: Heyy, iff you dont like the way i talk just shut upp about it and lets fightt.
Neo: *thinks to himself* "Great, now im gonna have to deal with him for a couple more hours. Just kill me now and spare me from this torture oh great and powerful Smith.
Smith: HEY HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT I AM ONE WITH THE ORACLE! I can heeear yoooou
There is another cool parody thing on a quicktime movie from sequential pictures that i was gonna copy down but it took too long and i accidentally took it out, you can see it at www.sequentialpictures.com/matrix/movies.html um....is this thread still active because the last post was on 11/29/03 and the one before that was liek in august, so um...post a reply anyone who is still on this thread I liked them all, its all good. The twin thingys r sooooo cool. Originally posted by MacLeod
MeroVingian:"...I have sampled all languages and French is my favourite...followed by Chinese. Wanna hear a sample?"
Morpheus:"Uh no really, your french is quite suffi-"
MeroVingian:"No no I insist! Zhen shi de-ze me mei li mao! Ni ma ma ze me jiao ni gen bie ren jiang hua de? Hao xing wo ba ni reng chu qu!!....It's like wiping your arse in REAL CHINESE SILK...!"
Ho ho! The last one was really good! Anyone know what my chinese meant? Dun worry it wasn't vulgar...
I KNOW CHINESE!!!
coz i'm a chinese...hehe
but wats de-ze...??? give me the han yu ping ying!
reng chu qu...throw u out...haha Agent Smith: Can you hear me, Morpheus? I'm going to be honest with you. I hate this place, this zoo, this prison, this reality, whatever you want to call it. I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell. If there is such a thing. I feel.. saturated by it. I can taste your stink.
Then Smith touch morpheus's head and smear morpheus's sweat into morpheus's nostrils...
Suddenly, smith screamed!
Smith: ARGHHHHHHH!!! HELP ME!!! MY FINGERS ARE STUCK!!!MORPHEUS, ur nostrils r too small for my fingers to get out...help!!! A1:There he is
A2:The anomoly
A3:do we proceed
Neo: please stop guys, your hurting me
A1:we're sorry
Neo:thats okay, just dont tell morpheus Originally posted by Hitman
Smith: Welcome back, Mr. Anderson....We've...missed you....
Neo: It ends tonight.
Smith: Welcome back, Mr. Anderson....We've...missed you....
Neo: You said that already...
Smith: Welcome back, Mr. Anderson....We've...missed you....
Neo: Hey...You've already said that...what's wrong with you?
Smith: Welcome back, Mr. Anderson....We've...missed you....
Neo: What is your problem??? Why do you keep saying that?
Morpheus: He hasn't downloaded the newest trailer for Revolutions, so this is the only line he knows...
Neo: Whoa...
*falls of chair laughing*
soz for sum reason i thought that was ******** hillarious.....good one how do u guys rate mine???
comments for mine...pls You would know, Mom
-Smith from Revolutions
View Full Version : My funny spoofs
Birth - Chapter 1 - A Crazy insight to who smith really is!
|