Ask a homicidal/insane clown.

Yes this idea of "ask a(put appropriate whatever here) has been done before,but i've put a new spin on it,got an everyday problem or a question thats slowly eating away at your brain comsuming your every waking moment threating your mental stability and very life?,wonder what a homicidal/insane clown would do/say?,well ask here and i'll put all you frowns,upside downs. :lol:

Mistah J is in the house and ready to receive your posts. :lol:

Yep: Everyday problem: My [censored] kids having rows everyday

(come on, serving you this on a silver plate. Your solution better be terminal and funny or I will be so disappointed...)

Hmmm,well the "professionals" would say you have to let your kids bond andwhen they fight seperate them-WRONG!wrong wrong wrong,a million times wrong,now personally i would hook them up to some electrical equipment that forms a circuit everytime they touch each other giving them a powerful electric shock ,the electric shocks should convince them fighting is bad,if not,congratulations you have freashly prepared french friend kids,and if they keep calling each other names,a muzzle should solve that quite nicely,hope that helped.

send in the next one.

I have a problem - my girlfriend dumped me flat-out with no explanation. (Now you better be CREATIVE with this or else....)

What is a good way to make a lot of money quickly, in order to buy plane tickets to see your significant other? I'm not prepared to resort to street prostitution, because AIDS just isn't cool.

I'm bored out of my mind, but with current gas prices and having just paid this year's tuition, I'm a tad on the broke side of things. Hanging out with friends isn't exactly an easy option, due to a certain inability to talk much at the moment. I also hate clowns (no offense).

What should I do?

Right,firstly Novus,are you against a little light hearted stalking and torture?
I suggest you break into her house while shes in(make sure you have a few henchmen with you) if theres another guy,shoot him,trust me,it makes matters a lot less complicated,start up a dialogue with her and then spray her face with acid(be sure to get her good side) after all this i'm sure she'll provide you with an answer.
Now on to splinter,ways to make money you ask?theres the classical put a gun to some rich dudes head and demand money,theres the kidnap and torture rich dudes children until he gives you money or my personal favourite threaten to cover a city of your choice in deadly gas unless they hand over money,but then again,why do you need money,when you can just take a plane?i must note most of these ideas may end in criminal prosecution,but then thats a risk you should be willing to take.
Lasty PP. . .you hate clowns? . . . . . what a terrible thing to say!!! But anyway back to the case in hand, bored? weeeeeell i heartily recommend the circus,but due to your disposition to clowns,thats a no,you could go up to some random person in the street and beat them up and then keep doing it till you get arrested after that you'll have too much to think about to be bored.remember to Smile!

remember to Smile!
You sick freak. You should know I can't smile.

Right,firstly Novus,are you against a little light hearted stalking and torture?
I suggest you break into her house while shes in(make sure you have a few henchmen with you) if theres another guy,shoot him,trust me,it makes matters a lot less complicated,start up a dialogue with her and then spray her face with acid(be sure to get her good side) after all this i'm sure she'll provide you with an answer.


Very nice. I especially like the acid part. I'll get started on that right away. Oh, should I be careful not to spray her mouth too much so I can hear her properly?

You sick freak. You should know I can't smile.
PP,please you must stop saying such nice things,people are going to talk.........
Novus,if it gets into her mouth that will merely increase the funny side of it when she helplessly gurgles and slurs her words as she experiences mind numbing pain as the acid eats away at her face.

Novus,if it gets into her mouth that will merely increase the funny side of it when she helplessly gurgles and slurs her words as she experiences mind numbing pain as the acid eats away at her face.

I think I love you. Wait, no, that's gross.
I have another problem: I need to finish a book within a certain amount of time because the library won't let me take it with me to college. What can I do?

Books are stupid and outdated. RA, what should I get my best friend for her birthday?

Novus,Veradis solved your problem before i did!if your book is really good,it's very likely theres been a movie made of it,so buy the dvd,if not then either burn down the library or steal the book!!!
Veradis you are of course correct,hmmm,i think you shoulc get your friend a bomb!trust me,she'll appreciate it if she doesn't make sure you have a remote detenator handy. . . . . . . .

Underachiever. I was gonna tell her nipple clamps and a whip.

Bah,exploding cigars are much better than a bomb,nipples clamps and a whip all put together.

Ok i my little brother is cramping my style. I try to hang with my friends and then there he comes. Its really starting to piss me off.....

I suggest you take your own advice, fill a bag with gas, drop it on him and. . . .well you know the rest already.