nirty
I am not who you would see in the church every sunday praying, thanking for what I had been given. Because, sweetheart, I had been given crap! I had been given pain, lies and inferiority. Well, that is if what I have the concept of God is the one who gave me that on Earth... but should I be that unthankful if it was HE who gave me what I have HERE?
I just do not know... I think I should not, I must not! If so, I actually should be that person praying on sundays with loads of people believing on the same thing... not questioning.
But who is God if we all start asking? And for those who do not believe in Him, then who or what is that makes this world turn? I mean... thinks work and we do not know how or why. We have answers yes, but answers given by humans, and eventhough I might be one, I do not trust in them, they do provoke me disgust and, oh, many other unpleasent things! So different with Zionites, I do think these people is just so different that should not be called humans! They actually understand and practice what words such as "love", "giving" and "respect" mean. I do not, I might understand it, but not practice it. These women and men are almost perfect! If only my life would have the half of understanding the life those people has.
Would it count that I am in a mental assylum? I just do not understand why they did not killed me yet, they I mean by these secret service guys, the agents. Sometimes I think that it is my punishment for living my life the way I did and trying to live it the way I wanted it to.
How do I know about all this? Well, back in the days I was a philosophy student... at the national university, I just was bored and started feeling a way, very strange, like, you know... like I was the only one standing there and aware of one thing: that I was there, at that place, just floating and without a purpose. They all seemed to be having their lives, enjoying them... but I was miserable, and aware of it -which is worse feeling. And I thought that, why if it was only me on this world? Why if all my life was big arse life-simulating videogame, (you know, those in which you build up your own family, life and even death) having me as the main character!? I mean, none of the relationships I had were true, I did not feel them as true, I felt them as a total fake.
...now it is all gone...
I was contacted by certain individual, a "freaky" as people would call them. But she was... I really felt she was kind of my sister, the sister I never had. Her name was Zoe, she was rough... I think she might have had some bad past too... we all do. She said, heeh, I still remember each word she said to me: "I am going to show you my world, the world of freedom, the world you really know but is hidden to your eyes by the lies of this so called reality. Your truth is your choice, and it will always be, I can show you how to reach the ultimate truth" she said that and pulled out a pair of pills, a blue and a red one. Not a moment later, a batallion of S.W.A.Ts entered the room, three of these goverment guys, and well, she died, they riddled her in front of my very face. A man in an olive suit walked right in front of me and smiled to me, he said: "Mrs. Ganhall...thank you for your help... we told you you were going to help us under any circumstances..."
The whole Pandora's crew died on the attack, all except the operator, well... pointless anyway, he died by the attack of centinels over the hovercraft...
But there is still no plausible way I can get out here alone, I do have to wait until the war is over, and that my choices depended on the choices of The One, that I must stand still for a while.
How do I know all of this? An oriental man came here at the visit hours and told me everything. This... this angel said he brought word from the Oracle, that my choices were not wrong, but that I should understand them, but until I do not, I would not be free, but he said that I would be completely free someday, completely free... someday.
And because I have chosen to stay away from here, being inside my mind and accept the concequences... now I just must wait.
_____________________________________
This is Rķeth Ganhall, and this is my 101st day of captivity, I am seeing a light... a different light through the door, someone is opening it. I am not afraid anymore. My choices have been done, a tall man is entering the room. He is dressed alike Zoe was... but smarter. He has sunglasses too, he is right now walking to me, I feel peace, I feel air all around me, and eventhough I am wearing a safety jacket... but I feel indeed free. He slowly takes out his sunglasses and puts his hand on my shoulder.
"I hope you didn't have to wait so much for me" he says "I'm Neo" his smile draws on the side of his face as he is easing my jacket.
"It was the right timing, believe me, it was the right timing... do not fake that smile, I do not need it, you need much more than a smile to get better".
He looks down and lets out a heavy breath.
I just do not know... I think I should not, I must not! If so, I actually should be that person praying on sundays with loads of people believing on the same thing... not questioning.
But who is God if we all start asking? And for those who do not believe in Him, then who or what is that makes this world turn? I mean... thinks work and we do not know how or why. We have answers yes, but answers given by humans, and eventhough I might be one, I do not trust in them, they do provoke me disgust and, oh, many other unpleasent things! So different with Zionites, I do think these people is just so different that should not be called humans! They actually understand and practice what words such as "love", "giving" and "respect" mean. I do not, I might understand it, but not practice it. These women and men are almost perfect! If only my life would have the half of understanding the life those people has.
Would it count that I am in a mental assylum? I just do not understand why they did not killed me yet, they I mean by these secret service guys, the agents. Sometimes I think that it is my punishment for living my life the way I did and trying to live it the way I wanted it to.
How do I know about all this? Well, back in the days I was a philosophy student... at the national university, I just was bored and started feeling a way, very strange, like, you know... like I was the only one standing there and aware of one thing: that I was there, at that place, just floating and without a purpose. They all seemed to be having their lives, enjoying them... but I was miserable, and aware of it -which is worse feeling. And I thought that, why if it was only me on this world? Why if all my life was big arse life-simulating videogame, (you know, those in which you build up your own family, life and even death) having me as the main character!? I mean, none of the relationships I had were true, I did not feel them as true, I felt them as a total fake.
...now it is all gone...
I was contacted by certain individual, a "freaky" as people would call them. But she was... I really felt she was kind of my sister, the sister I never had. Her name was Zoe, she was rough... I think she might have had some bad past too... we all do. She said, heeh, I still remember each word she said to me: "I am going to show you my world, the world of freedom, the world you really know but is hidden to your eyes by the lies of this so called reality. Your truth is your choice, and it will always be, I can show you how to reach the ultimate truth" she said that and pulled out a pair of pills, a blue and a red one. Not a moment later, a batallion of S.W.A.Ts entered the room, three of these goverment guys, and well, she died, they riddled her in front of my very face. A man in an olive suit walked right in front of me and smiled to me, he said: "Mrs. Ganhall...thank you for your help... we told you you were going to help us under any circumstances..."
The whole Pandora's crew died on the attack, all except the operator, well... pointless anyway, he died by the attack of centinels over the hovercraft...
But there is still no plausible way I can get out here alone, I do have to wait until the war is over, and that my choices depended on the choices of The One, that I must stand still for a while.
How do I know all of this? An oriental man came here at the visit hours and told me everything. This... this angel said he brought word from the Oracle, that my choices were not wrong, but that I should understand them, but until I do not, I would not be free, but he said that I would be completely free someday, completely free... someday.
And because I have chosen to stay away from here, being inside my mind and accept the concequences... now I just must wait.
_____________________________________
This is Rķeth Ganhall, and this is my 101st day of captivity, I am seeing a light... a different light through the door, someone is opening it. I am not afraid anymore. My choices have been done, a tall man is entering the room. He is dressed alike Zoe was... but smarter. He has sunglasses too, he is right now walking to me, I feel peace, I feel air all around me, and eventhough I am wearing a safety jacket... but I feel indeed free. He slowly takes out his sunglasses and puts his hand on my shoulder.
"I hope you didn't have to wait so much for me" he says "I'm Neo" his smile draws on the side of his face as he is easing my jacket.
"It was the right timing, believe me, it was the right timing... do not fake that smile, I do not need it, you need much more than a smile to get better".
He looks down and lets out a heavy breath.