The republic is crawling out from the shadows in an attempt to bring peace and justice to the galaxy with the help of the legendary Jedi all seems to be going to plan-but unknown to the Jedi the sith are slowly gathering a dark army of immense proportions in an effort to destroy the Jedi.
The galaxy’s only hope-a Jedi turned sith exile, who has now founded a new religion-the HALIN,a mismatched group of force users who are dedicated to destroying the sith and the jedi once and for all, the fate of the entire galaxy rests on the shoulders of Lord Strife, this is a story where one man can make a difference that will echo through out time forever.
Our story begins on the backwater planet of messagon................................
PROLOGUE
"Master, where are we going? I’m bored!" whined a tall black cloaked man,
"Calm yourself,apprentice we are looking for the lost temple of the Midgarians."replied a shorter bearded man, who had dark brown eyes and long ragged grey hair.
"But master renegade that’s just a legend, why didn’t strife look for it him self?” retorted the young apprentice.
"That’s Lord Strife to you lad, and the temple is real, ahhhhh see boy” exclaimed Master Renegade.
"What that huge statue? Yeah real cool.” laughed the apprentice.
"You listen here Scorpia, if you don't shut up I’ll cut your over-sized head off your shoulders, and that statue is of the Midgarian god-ultima, and read the inscription unless you've become too powerful for that too.” growled master renegade.
"Ok ok, it says Don't stand behind me I may not lead, don’t stand in front of me I may not follow, stand beside me my friend and we shall create a universe of peace and harmonyoh my god what a load of garbage!” yelled scorpia,suddenly he went flying up in to the air and floated there.
"My young apprentice you must learn your place, we shall not succeed in our quest to eliminate the Jedi and the Sith if we are not totally dedicated to our mission, now let us proceed..................................
DEATHWATCH
The sky was pitch black, nothing could be heard apart for the low rumble of thunder, suddenly two blades of pure light hissed into life glowing wildly in the darkness as their owners charged towards each other.
The blades hummed loudly as they ricocheted off of each other, the two combatants began to fight, and their fighting was hypnotic- a dance of death.
As quick as the battle had begun it was over.
"You have learn't well my apprentice, they will be no match for you.” muttered an old man who was cloaked in a long, sweeping black robe to a taller figure who was covered in gleaming black amour that was covered in huge sharp spikes that jutted out in all directions
"Thank you my master, I will not fail you lord strife will fall by my blade” replied the armored apprentice.
"Lord Shredder, I sense I great presence in the force-be mindful of the exile, we may have greatly underestimated his power” commented the Sith Lord.
"I will leave immediately Lord Plagueis"answered lord shredder
Lord shredder turned around and walked in to a small and sleek black shuttle, a few seconds later it rose in to the sky and in the blink of an eye vanished into the darkness of space.
A few seconds later the planet Messagon exploded into millions of tiny fragments......................
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The blades hummed loudly as they richoceted off of each other,the two combatants began to fight,their fighting was hypnotic- a dance of death.
"thank you my master,i will not fail you lord strife will fall by my blade"replied the armoured apprentice
"lord shredder,i sense i great presence in the force-be mindful of the exile,we may have greatly underestimated his power"commented the sith lord.
"i will leave immedietly lord plagueis"answered lord shredder
Lord shredder turned around and walked in to a small and sleek balck shuttle, afew seconds later it rose in to the sky and in the blink of an eye vanished into the darkness of space.
A few seconds later the planet messagon exploded in to millions of tiny fragments..................................
A CLOSE CALL
"Master,we barely escaped the blast-the ships energy core is critically damaged and what the heck caused that explosion?"asked scorpia
"whatever it was i don't think we want to find out so just get us out of here"replied master renegade
"but sir the ships damaged"whined scorpia
"i could always throw you out of the escape hatch"retorted master renegade grimly.
BOOM!a huge blast shook the ship.
"SIR WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!!!shouted scorpia
"it's good to see your powers of observation are still in peak condition-don't pull faces,your meant to be the ace pilot so get us back to tatooine"muttered renegade
(to be contined-if you don't like this you can always check out THE MATRIX DAMMNATION or HYBRID THEORY on the fan fiction section of this site) Well, you know what I think about the grammar and spelling already, but also this story is very confusing for me, maybe because I'm not well-versed in Star Wars mythology. The pace is definitely too fast, and the characters a little too stereotypical. Still, it's only the beginning. I wouldn't give up if I were you (that is if you can really handle that many stories at once). I would suggest shifting your focus to one story for now and letting the others sit for a while. You need to refine your style a bit and wotk on establishing larger chunks of thought to help guide the story and push character developement. A CLOSE CALL
"Master,we barely escaped the blast-the ships energy core is critically damaged and what the heck caused that explosion?"asked scorpia
"whatever it was i don't think we want to find out so just get us out of here"replied master renegade
"but sir the ships damaged"whined scorpia
"i could always throw you out of the escape hatch"retorted master renegade grimly.
BOOM!a huge blast shook the ship.
"SIR WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!!!shouted scorpia
"it's good to see your powers of observation are still in peak condition-don't pull faces,your meant to be the ace pilot so get us back to tatooine"muttered renegade
A HAPPY LANDING AND GOOD COMPANY
"surely it would be smarter to head for sacronia?"asked scorpia as he navigated the small shuttle through the maze of asteroids.
"no my apprentice,lord strife is waiting for us on tatooine,he has important news about the sith,something about a sith lord and the jedi council."replied master renegade
"master,is it true that lord strife was once jedi?"inquired scorpia
"yes it is true,but he turned from that path a long time ago ,he realised that the jedi cannot truly claim to understand the nature of life and peoples minds when they deny thier emotions and forsake love and happiness,he also understood that the sith got thier power from their rage and hate and the need for power so he has taken it upon himself to destroy them both and end all the wars and the suffering"explained renegade
suddenly the shuttle began to shake and fall apart as it descended on to tatooine.
"master this is gonna be a bumpy landing!"shouted scorpia(TBC) Still not utilizing punction or a spellcheck system or spacing, all of which would make your stories easier to read and more enjoyable. I would like to see larger installments as well, it would help with the flow of things. That being said, it is a good story. how DO you use the spellcheck? You have to use something like MS Word that has a spellchecker, there isnt one built into the forum. Then you copy and paste it from there. I agree with all the points that FYM and TheDon have stated. RA, you have a good story on your hands, however you do need to use MS word. And space it out. Use paragraphs and don't forget to keep it in either past or present tense when not using narrative, I have been guilty of it in the past also lol. It's really got the makings of a good story honey. And don't quote yourself within the story. It's too confusing. Don't forget capitols when beginning a sentence, and please use a comma once in a while. Your sentence structure is too long. The Exile
"you must let go of your rage and hate young padawan"exclaimed a tall pale
man with spikes jutting out of the top of his head as he spun through the air and landed opposite a younger looking and shorter man who had dark brown hair and eyes.
"But master,emotions such as rage and hate are what make us sentient,correct?"asked the padawan as he charged towards the master
with his lightsabre drawn and raising it above his head ready to strike.
The master again jumped and landed behind the padawan as their lightsabres clashed and emitted a low hum as they circled each other,both of them waiting for the other to make the first attack.
"yes,but you must shed them,you must denied your rage control"answered the master.
The padawan began to swirl his lightsabre around himself in a circular motion madly,the master began to slowly back away until he could feel the wall pressing up against his back,then he thrust he lightsabre forward with all his strength luckily it sliced clean through the handle of the padawans lightsabre.
As he lightsabre faded,he dropped the now useless handle and sunk to his knees in defeat.
"It's not fair,i keep training,i follow the code and i lsiten to the wisdom of the council and you always and yet i'm not getting any stronger,you say suppress my rage,why?it makes me stronger,makes me invincble makes me unstoppable,why master katri why,why aren't i getting stronger?"shouted the padawan
"Listen to your self young odeon you have listened to neither me or the council,you ignore our wisdom and you shun our advice,you believe you know better than us do you?you must learn your place my young padawan."retorted master katri
TEN YEARS LATER...............
"You know why we have called you here odeon?"asked a slightly older master katri from his seat on the council.
"Yes,of course i do,you have called me here to explain what happened on jargohut."replied odeon who now had a long beard and even longer hair and was wearing the traditional plain white jedi robes,he also had a fat rat resting peacefully on his shoulder.
"We called you here to explain why you destroyed an entire planet and millions of lives with it just to destroy one sith apprentice."growled master justa
"better millions die than one sith be allowed to walk free"retorted odeon.
"Your arrogance is astounding,even now you still think you made the right decision,your more of a fool than we thought possible,even after years of training it appears you have learned nothing."exclaimed master charon
"I am not here to face your judgement,so stop lecturing me,your pathetic loyalty to this outdated and feeble religion,it is a mere shadow of it's former self,YOU ARE THE ONES THAT HAVE DAMNED THE JEDI ORDER TO THE ARCHIVES,YOU ARE FOOLS,I HATE ALL OF YOU"yelled odeon madly
"it's obvious you will not change,we have no choice but to exile you from the jedi order"repiled master katri calmly
"Fine,i'll will leave,but i refuse to hand over my lightsabre,we will meet again my masters be sure of that."spat odeon as he marched out of the council room and down towards the docking area.
"I fear this young one has a much bigger part to play in th future"said master katri grimly.
17 YEARS LATER
"rise darth malevolent and fufil your destiny"snarled tall bulky man with a gruff voice and dark red eyes aptly named Darth Gaunt.
Slowly darth malevolent rose from his knees and stood beside darth gaunt and looked out over the stars.
"Now is the time to strike,the jedi order is failing and soon we will rise to power,nothing will stand in our way"rasped darth gaunt
"yes,please master let me go to the jedi temple and finish them off"repiled darth malevolent
"No"said darth gaunt simply
"why not?i'm stronger than them,i can do it,please!"repeated darth malevolent
"No,you were nothing but an exile when i found you and taught you the ways of the force and now you dare question me?learn your place my apprentice"muttered darth gaunt.
Darth malevolent backed away and pulled his lightsabre from his belt and activated it.
"Your the same as the jedi,YOUR HOLDING ME BACK"screamed darth malevolent as he sliced darth gaunt's arm clean off.
"arrrghh,you fool you will PAY!!!"bellowed darth gaunt.
"i am darth malevolent no more.....now i am Lord Strife....."wispered darth malevolent now turned lord strife as he turned and ran out of the cave and in to the dark night............................ A HAPPY LANDING AND GOOD COMPANY CONTINUED
Thick black smoke was rising from the wreckage of the crash,the small shuttle was in pieces,standing next to it was master renegade looking expectantly into the wreckage.
"Come on scorpia we don't have all day"he shouted.
Scorpia crawled out of the wreckage,his arm was obviously broken and his body was covered in cuts and bruises,his face covered in dark blood,he rose to his feet slowly and uncertainly and began to cough and splutter up blood.
"master.....i can't...move,my body..."coughed scorpia.
Master renegade bent down and took hold of scorpia's arm and dragged him off towards a small grouping of huts.
"you must learn to ignore such pain or you will not last long,now come on,krackta is waiting in the hut,he'll be able to heal your wounds."said master renegade cheerfully.
"i fail to see how any of this is funny"groaned scorpia coughing up yet more blood.
As they got nearer to the huts a group of sandpeople began to emerge from the huts and walk over to master renegade.
They took scorpia from master renegade and took him into the nearest hut,and escorted master renegade to it.
"ahhh renegade,it's most pleasing to see you again my friend,i feared that you might have been killed on messagon but here you are mmy friend,a little worse for wear and older than when we last met but still healthy."chucked a taller sand person who was dressed in a long brown robe.
"good to see you too my friend,but as you can see my apprentice IS a little worse for wear,i was hoping before we meet with lord strife you could heal him?"asked renegade hopefully
"Of course my friend,it's no trouble,just give me some space"replied krackta as he put his hands flat on scorpias chest and blue light streamed out of his hands and covered scorpia,blinding renegade then the light stopped and scorpia sat up and was completely unharmed.
"whoa! this is amazing,thanks master krackta!"exclaimed scorpia.
"no thanks required young one,it was no problem,now i think it's time we go to meet lord strife,he's waiting in the caves just north of here"said krackta
Master renegade's expression suddenly dark.
"yes, your right,lets go."repiled renegade. SHROUD OF THE SITH
A huge dark cloud blotted out the sun and covering irdonia in darkness,the landscape was nothing more than a collection of huge mountains but these towering titans were nothing compared to mount cobalt,it was the famous for it's famous orgonu gems which make for extremly powerful lightsabres,few however know of the dark secret which lies within this mountain,the oldest sith temple in exsitence.
Four tall cloaked figures walked silently and slowly up a rocky and very fragile looking slope.
They finally arrived at the top of the slope and were faced with a huge metal gateway which bore a strange insignia which resembled a hand,each of the figures suddenly outstreched their hands and lay their plams flat on the wall as it began to creak and swing open,they marched in one by one and stopped yet again when they reached a magnificent golden throne and sitting on that throne was a frail,hunched back skeleton of a man.
"my master"the four figures said in unison as they all bowed before the hunchback.
"my apprentices,it is fortunate you arrived so early,now we can prepare for our final assault on the jedi,lord shredder your failure is becoming more and more tiresome,don't fail me again,count sin,darth bane,darth vicious,congratulations you sucessfully dispatched the jedi council,now they will stand no chance against the combined might of our dark armies,but this lord strife and his halin....we can not allow their defiance to go unpunished i sense he is planning to stand in our way,find him and CRUSH HIM!"rasped darth plagueis
"i am sorry my master,please allow me to redeem my self,i wish to end the life of this pathetic exile........
Lord shredder never got to finish his sentence,darth plagueis in his rage had choked the life out of lord shredder.
Darth plageuis seemed to glide across the room over to lord shredder's dead body,darth plagueis bent down and grabbed shredders head and stared deep into his eyes and then lighting shot from his eyes and bured shredder's corpse to dust,then plagueis rose to his feet and backed away a few feet,then after a few minutes,lord shredder's apprently empty armour got up and walked over to plagueis and bowed.
"good,be mindful of what you say,next time i won't be so forgiving."he muttered scornfully
"yes,my master"echoed shredders voice from within his dark and empty armour.
They all walked off into the dark depths of the temple................ so people,what do you think so far think the lastest additions are up to scratch? LORD STRIFE
Master renegade walked into a dark,gloomy cave and scanned it,empty.
"krackta,are you sure that lord strife is here?i can't see him"shouted renegade down the mountain to krackta as he walked absent mindly into the cave.
Almost in the blink of an eye a short hooded figure burst out of the gloom and held a lightsabre to renegade's neck and smiled
"you getting sloppy my old friend"chuckled a familiar voice from under the hood.
"fine,fine,but i am tired"replied renegade his face breaking a huge grin.
The shadowly figure lowered his lightsabre and pulled back his hood to reveal
a stern face with a thick and bushy beard and piercing brown eyes.
Master krackta walked in and bowed quickly,scorpia walked in and nodded at strife and leaned against the wall only to receive a swift whack to the head by renegade who was also bowing.
"show thw proper respect,your disgracing me!"hissed renegade angrily
"no,no,my friends,the bowing is i assure you,quite uneeded,now please sit tell me of you missions,oh yes where is duke bale?"asked lord strife concerned.
Renegade shifted from foot to foot uneasily.
"my master.....duke bale did not survive our encounter with his dark brother."informed renegade.
"darth bane?hmmmmm this is troubling,the sith are planning something,now we must rely on the jedi to sense this new threat,but considering their past record of such things,we would do best to intervene.(to be continued) You still have issues with punctuation, capitalization, spacing and overly short installments, but you are improving on the story telling aspect and the inclusion of silents moments to guide the characters. LORD STRIFE (CONTINUED)
Remarked lord strife, as he sat down on a small rock adjacent master renegade.
"on to more pressing matters, i take it your mission on messagon did't go entirely to plan my friend?"asked lord strife with a small smile on his face.
Renegade's hand shot into his robe and removed a small silver stick which was covered in small ornate markings from some anicent force using race of aliens and he silently passed it to lord strife who immediatly held it up to his eyes as they slowly wandered across the artifact.
"good job my brother,this shall greatly aid us in our battle against the jedi and the sith,oh yes,metioning the jedi,they are coming here,they want to open a dialogue"lord strife chuckled.
"a dialogue?yeah i bet,then they'll invite us back to their temple for some refreshments"remarked scorpia somewhat sarcastically.
"this is a strange move for the jedi,but i'm more worried about the sith, if the jedi are coming how far away will the sith be?"master krackta thought aloud.
"you are of course correct,master renegade you and your apprentice will go to iridonia,i believe the sith are using it as a base, this is strictly a recon mission,master krackta you will go the badlands and contact lord gaunt,i will meet with the jedi,agreed?"questioned lord strife looking each of them in the eye, they all nodded in agreement and then got up and marched out of the cave and back down the mountain.
Lord strife turned on his heel and stared in into the gloom for what seemed like years.
"come on out dizzy"he called into the darkness
A tall slim pink hair young female with big blue eyes emerged from the darkness,she grinned,walked over to lord strife and bowed.
"oh blessed be the all powerful and mighty lord strife master of us lowly mortals"she chanted
"stop that,your sense of humour is beggining to become tiresome,and get up"growled lord strife glaring down at her
"ha,calm down father you know i'm just trying to have fun"giggled dizzy as she got up,she towered over lord strife.
"well my daughter while your having fun our fellow halins ar e risking their lives to complete our sacred mission"retorted lord strife
"blah blah blah,come on then lets go kick some sith butt!"yelled dizzy jumping up and down on the spot madly.
"will you please act your age and calm down,there shall be no "kicking" of any sith "butt" yet,ok?now i want you to hide outside the cave and wait until i tell you to strike ok?"said lord strife exhausted
"fine....man, this is so unfair,why do i always have to do the hiding...."dizzy grumbled as she strolled out of the cave.
"teenagers"muttered lord strife to himself as he watched his daughter walk out of the cave READY TO STRIKE
Dizzy was sitting outside the cave humming to her self and watching a small insect scuttle up the side of the mountain,as she thought about her dead mother and her cold and distant father,who seemed to growing increasingly dediacated to the halin cause and becoming less and less of a father and more of a leader and he did't seem to notice that despite her smiles and laughter her fathers behavior was tearing her apart inside.
Suddenly dizzy felt a dark presence approching,a force of pure hate and evil,and it was getting closer by the second,dizzy glanced at her father who was deep in training,so she decided to check it out by her self,she quietly got up and tip toed away towards the presence.
Suddenly a tall dark skinned man walked round the corner,he was clad in dark red armour and was clutching a ruby red light sabre and was surrounded by around a dozen black clad sith troops who were all clutching their own lightsabres,when they saw her the sith troopse charged towards her their sabres activated,dizzy just grinned and and activated her pink sabre and took up the classic battle pose her father had taught her, she easy cut down the first sith,then she used force push to dispatch another trooper,then she brought her light sabre down on yet another siths head splitting it in two,dizzy easily danced through them all cutting them down one by one intil they all lay dead on the ground.
The sith lord looked around and surveyed the dead and then he looked a dizzy and sneered.
"i will destroy you,your father isn't here to save you little girl,you will fall"he sneered as he walked over to dizzy.
Dizzy prepared for the battle,then out of nowhere her father appeared with his light sabre drawn and stood in front of dizzy,his lightsabre drawn and his face a picture of pure rage.
"this far and no futher!"he screamed as he ran towards the sith and brought his lightsabre down onto the siths glowing sabre,the sith lord laughed.
"your the great and almighty exile...pathetic"remarked the sith but his face suddenly froze in horror as he saw a second sabre deep in his chest and lord strife was holding it and puching it in deeper still.
"ha,you underestimate me,that was your down fall sith"said strife as he sliced the sith clean in half longways with his main light sabre,then he turned and glared at his daughter.
"are you stupid?"he growled.
"you were training,i knew i could take them"she tried to explain
"YOU KNEW NOTHING,you rushed in head strong and nearly got your self killed,YOU FOOLISH CHILD"strife screamed before storming off back to the cave.(to be continued) READY TO STRIKE (CONTINUED)
Dizzy nervously approched the cave to se her father mediatating,she stood there watching him for what seemed like hours,then he got up and walked over to her.
"you think you are ready?then come...fight me" strife annouced as he drew he lightsabre and activated it.
Dizzy's eyes opened wide with surprise.
"are you serious?" she gasped amazed at what her father had said.
In answer strife brought his light sabre down on to her head,only her lightening quick reflexes saved her as she jumped back wards and drew her own sabre.
Strife laughed and then he expression set into one of extreme concentration and determintion.he ran forward and using the force sent her flying backwards out of the cave,then he spun through the air and plunged his lightsabre into the ground,only just missing dizzy,she decided to unleash the one of her most impressive skills,one not even her father had mastered,she raised her hand into the air,pointing up towards the sky and it began to glow...like a ball of energy was forming in her hands,it grew bigger and bigger until it was like a huge purple disk of intense spinning energy and hthen she fired at at her father he jumped into the air but it followed him he brought his light sabre down to meet it,as it met his lightsabre they both smashed intto shards of energy,the handle of lord strife's sabre exploded in his hands,blowing it clean off,he fell to the floor,defeated.
Dizzy shocked by what had happened ran to her fathers aid,she bent down and turned him over only to see he was clutching a second sabre which he quickly used and sliced her arm clean off ,then he brought it down on her knee,severing the nerves,she screamed in agony and sunk to the floor.
Lord strife rose to his feet and laughed.
"you are not yet prepared....a sith is not above trickery and deceit-these are the very weapons of the sith,they handle them as easily as you handle your lightsabre,do not underestimate a siths abiltities....now once you've stoped your screaming,i'll heal your wounds,but i'm afraid you will require a mechanical replacement." strife explained.
Dizzy looked into her fathers cold and unwelcoming eyes.....she saw nothing but contempt and dissapointment......she slowly regained her composure and dragged her self off towards the cave.
She wondered what had changed her father so much.....he had been thourgh the dark and the light....he had seen more combat,pain and death then anyother jedi or sith saw in a thousand lifetimes.......but she was too tired and injured to think...she needed to sleep....................................
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Beginnings - Hybrid Theory
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