Hybrid Theory

"Same old,same old"said the middle-aged man as he rose from his bed and looked out of his window towards the mega-city,watching it's population as they scurried from place to place as if in a trance.
He slid out of his bed and stumbled into his bathroom,turned the tap on and began to spalsh water into his eye and he steped into his shower.
"yep,the same old routine,day after day"he muttered to himself while he turned off the shower and and marched back into his room,walked over to his wardrobe and took out a black suit,not a light black suit,not a charcol grey suit,just a ordinary black suit.
He then walked back in to his bathroom,opened a black granite cupboard that was jutting out of his wall and removed a tub of super-strong hair gel and a comb,parted his hair ever so slightly and applyed a dollop of the gel slicked his hair back,ambled out of his bathroom ,down the stairs and grabbed his keys and his suit case he then unlocked his door walked out into the bright unforgiving glare of the sun,locked his door and began the long walk to work.
He deep in the heart of the megacity, a quick check of his watch ,was he going to be late?no,as usual impeccable timing,perfect,flawless.
He then walked in to an empty elevator,pushed the button for the ground 3 floor and stared up towards the ceiling and desperatly tried to ignore the annoying music that remined him of the hopeless normalcy and humdrum that was his life.
He walked out of the lift and tried too make it to his office before....
"hey,andrew,HEY BUDDY,it's me"shouted a young man who was wearing a dark green suit.
"what do you want jerry?"growled andrew his voice heavy with hate and anger.
"the boss wants you in his office,i think the police are here for you"repiled jerry still sporting a huge grin across his face
Andrew pushed past jerry,walked over to his bosses office,opened the door and walked in to see his boss with two tallish men in black suits standing behind him,the two men...there was something about them,they looked so plain,so normal almost as if they were camoflauged
"Ahhhhh,mr smith,these two gentlemen wish to escort you to the police station"said andrew's boss as the two men walked over to andrew grabbed him on either side and carried him out the door into the elevator and in a plain black car.
Everything went black.
Andrew opened his eyes,as he looked around he noticed he was in a interorgation room,there was a file and a glass of water on the table in from of him.
The name that was printed on the front of the file caught andrew's eye,HYBRID THEORY-werid name thought andrew as he pulled the file towards him and began to read,IN ORDER TO INSERT A SENTIENT PROGRAM INTO A HUMAN MIND A SPECIFIC HOST IS NEEDED ONE IN PEEK PHYSICAL CONDITION.........what is this stuff? thougth andrew to himself as the two men in black suits walked in and sat down on the opposite side of the table.
"are you not thirsty mr smith ?"asked one of them
"no not real.....that's weird,suddenly i feel like horribly thirsty"replied andrew bewildered,he looked down into his drink,it's was a strange silverly water,like a mirror made of water almost...................
suddenly andrew felt really stupid,mirror like water?next thing you know he'd be writing poetry.
andrew drank the water in one gulp,
"ahhh,refreshing,so what do you want to...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,THE PAIN,WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?? screamed andrew as he fell of his chair,his face going pale as he clutched his sides in agony.
He felt the pain running up his spine,his eyes were buring,he felt like his eyes were tearing apart,suddenly everything went dim,not pitch black just gray,colourless,then he saw it, a green code all around him,forming into shapes like people,vague shapes but he understood the code,another thing he noticed was the pain,it was gone he felt nothing,no pain,no sadness,no anger,nothing.
Andrew rose to his feet and noticed he was wearing apair of sunglasses.
"who are you?"asked one of the black suited man
"i'm a smith,Agent smith".

Can anyone out there give me some advice on my writing?this is only a first draft,i did it off the top of my head in about an hour,but i've been thinking about the main plot for ages.
So as i've already said please commentise,advise and feel free to critise.

Interesting story. I like that it moves quickly, very readable.

I would advise to run this through a spell-check. The lack of spacing is a little irritating and you've got a few spelling and grammar mistakes.
Also, depite the fact that I like the quick pace, I'd suggest to slow it down a little, add some subtlety. It's all a little bit in-your-face right now.
Whatever you do I'll be following this. Waiting for more ;)

I would like to give you a present:





Its a giant clump of blank space. You can use it to seperate rambling, unrelated sentences. But do post some more of this story.

Classic Matrix story + New point of view = Good Fan fic

Very nice, although I would advise better spacing & grammar & whatnot. Can't wait to see how this progresses.

Writing the next part as we speak,i'll post it soon.
Please feel free to check out my other fan fic,THE MATRIX:DAMMNATION on the fan fiction section of this site.(i know i spelt DAMMNATION wrong,i did that on purpose)again please tell me what you think

He could feel it coursing through him,the power,what a rush,he had never felt anything even close to this,he felt like god.
"How do you feel?"the agent closest to him asked looking concerned.
Smith looked at him,he could feel him.....like they were connected,he felt as if he was suddenly integrated into everything and everyone..he could hear...see....feel information passing through him,news reports ,sightings of known terrorists,people talking on their cellphones to their friends and familes about insignificent subjects.
"i feel fine" he answered confidently.
Suddenly he could feel pain shooting through his mind,he raised his hand to his ear....the target has been seen.....the program has been targeted for deletion....intiate the strike
Then he felt funny.....like he was being torn from him self....he was being stretched.......
what.....why am i outside......smith stared around in amazement...how?he heared someone moving behind him,he turned to see a short asian man who was dressed all in white and was wearing a pair of small sunglasses.
"you have been chosen for deletion,prepare for deletion"smith said instinctivly....where had those words come from....he had't said that had he?yes he had.....he had to kill this....man..no delete this program
"so she was right......i am apart of this world...no longer...i am now ...seraph and you will let me pass." seraph replied.
strange smith mused,this program looked different....he was not made up of green code...he was glowing...golden code...interesting.
Smith pulled out a desert eagle from within his jacket and began to fire on seraph who flipped back wards and began to spin through the air madly dodging every bullet that came his way.
He landed neatly on the opposite side of the roof.
" seems you underestimate me agent...my turn" seraph growled as he charged towards smith and bounded into the air and fly kicked smith sqaurely in the throat,sending him flying backwards on to his back.
....the kicks registered....i felt them....but i feel no pain......this is amazing....yes yes yes!!! smith thought to himself astounded
Smith got up and cleched his fists,seraph ran forward and they began to fight,each of them moving faster than the eye could follow,smith grabbed seraphs left arm twisted it and kicked him in the chest and then ran forward picked him up by the collar and punched him with all his strength,seraph smashed through the wall into a stair well.
"give up ,you are going to be deleted...it is inevitable"smith yelled as he climbed through the whole seraph had flown through...where was he...smith looked around...there was a window...but it was locked...
Seraph dropped down from the ceiling landing behind smith and delivered a powerful kick to smith's back,the momentum of the kick sent smith hurtling out of the window into the street below.
"i did warn him" seraph said to himself amused at how easliy the agent had been defeated,seraph looked out of the window at the street below,a crowd was gathering around the corpse of some dead tramp.
Smith felt like he had recieved a powerful electic shock...he was back in the interrogation room.
"you failed" stated the other agent.
Smith felt angry....angrier then he'd ever felt in his life.
"yes....but our chance will come again" smith said through gritted teeth.
This subject is interesting..is it time to activate the anom- NO,THE TIME HAS NOT YET COME understoood,we will continue to survey the subject for futher problems

Smith looked out of the window of the car as it drove down the street,he watched the people,just going about their lives,unaware of the cage they were in,blissfully going about their meager and pointless existence secure in the knowledge that they were in charge,the world belonged to them.
The agent on the left of smith turned to him.
"the next target-" he started.
"her name is-" put in the agent driving the car.
"miss walker alias Trinity" smith finished as he listened to the information being feed to him.
There it was again. . .the feeling he was being torn away from this moment to. . .smith looked around,he was in the midst of a group of guards who were being beaten up by . . .target sighted
"ahhh ms walker,i think i'm going to enjoy this" smith remarked as he smirked and cracked his knuckles.
"godamnit" trinity cursed her eyes wide with fear she snatched two guns from the floor and began to fire on smith while slowly backing out of the room.
Smith could see the bullets coming towards him,but they were moving so slowly,he could see exactly where they were going and dodged each one with ease.
Trinity threw the guns too the floor and ran down the corridor as fast as she could.
Smith laughed.
This is too easy he thought to himself as he chased trinity down the corridor.
He turned the corner and found himself staring down the barrel of a gun.
BOOM,that was the last thing smith heard as he was jolted and was back in the car.
"DAMNIT" smith growled punching the car door denting it.

"Time to meet with the informant"

Smith found himself sitting in a small cafe,opposite him was none other then the elusive program seraph.

"So you will deliver the program we are looking for and in exchange you will be granted safety from deletion,do we have a deal?" Smith asked sharply.

Seraph stared smith in the eye cooly.

"Yes,been there at 6 tonight,you will get what you are looking for" Seraph said as he got up and walked out.
_____________________________________________________

The three agents stood outside a vibrant nightclub,they stood silently like shadows,obvious and visable,yet undetailed and seeminly unimportant.

A long black limo pulled up and out stepped the merovigian himself.

"Seraph! help me!" He shouted back to seraph,his eyes shrinking in fear,beads of cold sweat began to form on his forehead,he stood there in shock as seraph sped off into the distance, leaving him for dead.

Even though it was all going perfectly,Smith could sense something was not quite right.

"Just as I thought,gentlemen,kill them" He muttered calmly to two men who came practically gliding out of the nightclub,their appearence was strange to smith,they were clothed in all white,extremely pale skin and had long white dreadlocks.

They ran at smith and the other agents,disposing of the other two easily.

"I don't think so"

Smith pulled his gun and shot one of them in the head only to see it go straight through and come out the otherside.

No

With a familar jolt, smith was once again back in the car.

"Failure" He spat through gritted teeth.

has there been any further problems with the hybrid?

A few behavorial problems but nothing to be too concerned about.

Excellant,begin operation:breadcrumb and let the hybrid follow our trail.

It shall be done.