Daughters....

Daughters in my culture means alot...
As u all know I am a Puerto Rican...N the daughters in my family have alot of responsibilites...
Sons will go on with there own lives..Do what they need to do n thats that.
But for the daughters we r there through thick n thin...We cannot turn our back like the sons do...
Take my family for an example...
My Grandmother had 2 sons n a daughter...For her sons she gave them everything, they even finished school. As for my mother she had to drop out to help pay the bills. N get food on the table. My uncles went on there way, n ended up being a drug addict, n an alcholic...This causesing my grandmother to have stroke, n needing help for everyday of her life...My mother her daughter stood side by side her, through thick n thin as her sons killed themselves in what they loved...My mother gave her mother her all, till the day she passed away...N Mind u with all this turmoil my sister n I were side by side my mother taking care for our grandmother as my brother's did whatever...
Right now my mother has Stage 4 Breast Cancer she has been fighting this battle for the past 3 years, n continues fighting it...Its hard seeing my mother like this, so weak..
But what I am getting at, where r her sons, r my brothers helping out...It only me n my sister...Helping my mother n helping her raise my younger siblings...
But sincerely its more on my sister she lives there with her daughter. N telling u this it is pure hell, not only because of my mother but because of my spoiled my brother n lil'sister who is trying to understand where she is standing. I am there as much as I can, but as ya knopw I live on my own. With my hubby n daughters..As my sister is not married, she is there trying to do her best. I am there trying to do my best also..Trying to keep my own house in order, n help her keep my mother house in order...Where the hell r the sons...
One is PR haven't called her for about a year, n the other is a gigolo...Does whatever he wants, disppears when he wants to n reappears when he wants...
Besides my family being like this, I realized that in PR the daughters r the ones that keeps the orders in the house when the parents r sick n needs taken care of...
I know there r other cultures that r like this...But my god, its tough being a daughter, a mother n a wife...I guess I am pist cause the sons do what ever...I can't bare think of doing that...cause she is the one that gave me life n made my life as best as she could of...
I started this thread to see, how many daughters out there face the same thing that I am facing...
Is this my culture alone of being a daughter or is it similiar to urs....Or it is differently to mine...Please everyone is welcome to say there behalf of this...
Oh great example on how it is, is seeing the movie "Like Water for Chocolate"
How it is between a mother n a daughter..But the only defference is that I love my mother to death....she ain't no bitch only when she wants to be..But its all good thou...lol...

In almost every culture it's tough being a woman honey. We are, the stronger sex in so many ways. And in my opinion we are stronger in the ways that count. Sure, today we have men screaming 'double standards' in that the women want the door held open for them but also want the same wage for the same job, and to the males who think that's double standards, I say bugger the hell off. Am I serious? Those who know me should realise I am.

In Irish culture it is the same as yours Niva. We were the ones who held home and hearth together (albeit moreso in the last century) while the men were out drinking, playing, bed hopping (no not all of you so chill) etc etc. And even in todays society to see it happening saddens me. I am bringing up my daughter, as I'm sure you are also Niva, to be equal to her brothers in every way. They also will in time learn to be there for not only each other, but for me if I fall ill when I'm too old to look after myself. Sharing the good and the bad times while remaining close and respecting each other as equals is what family is all about as far as I'm concerned.

Well, the only problem I have regarding this double-standard is the following. As you know, I am pro-equality. However, the step from a not-so-pro-female society to an equal-rights society is a big one, and I believe the western world (at least looking at my own nation) has taken it to fast.

Sure, the right to vote and such rights are important, but the position of the woman within the family is set, in a cultural manner. Though family ties may not be so important in the Netherlands as they are in Puerto Rico, allowing a woman to work 'outside the house' has seriously breached that family. And, laws are now in place that limit housewives in such a fasion that only the most wealthy can afford it.

In the mean time, there is no place for children in a family. There should have been a large simultaneous child-care program, and a more 'parentive educational' program (meaning kids will be, well kinda raised, as well, instead of just learning math).

This, however, has not happened, at least not in the Netherlands, and if I follow the news correctly, the US isn't doing to well in this regard either.

The screams of feminists awokened populist governmentmembers who acted rashly, instead of thinking the plan over and creating a clear image of what should happen, and most importantly, in what order.

The family unit, and I know this sounds cliche, has been ripped apart, and we are seeing the results of this everyday. The so-called double-standard is just another result of this, it's inevitable. It's the result of a bad-thought-through policy that needed a cultural change.

I guess it are often daughters that take care of their mothers. I must say, however, that when my grandmother died not long ago, all of my mothers brothers and sisters (Despite the many vendetta's going on, lol) kept watch at her bed.

Bed hopping? Silly wabbit..

Mr U

I'm not sure how much help I can be here since your question isn't entirely clear to me, but I can say that I understand that the Jews have gone a long way in the past decades as far as consideration for women is concerned. Women on the whole still probably get the tougher responsibilities of being a parent and a spouse, but as far as I know it is as much expected for men to be there for their parents as it is for women.

If you're asking whether it seems right then I think it doesn't. No matter how many cultures would accept it, it is wrong that your male siblings aren't lending you a hand. I'm not sure what your options exactly are, but it's probably worth it to have a good talk to your brothers and tell them what kind of pressure you are under. For what it's worth I think what you're doing is very important and very noble. Just hang in there, and good luck whatever happens.

Talking to my brothers will be a waste of time. Seriously, especailly to my oldest Brother, the last time I spoke to him. I told him that he acts like he has no mother. He can't even call her once every 2 wks...N thats fuckin pathetic...So I told him out of anger, 'As u act like ur a Motherless Child. Appeared from no where, n got raised all by urself...When MY mother pass's n I am hoping n praying it will be no time soon. U will not know, I will not tell u, u my loving older brother will not recieve the news from me. N if I can help it from no one else....As u act like u have no mother, then there is no need to know anything about her"
I know I may have been wrong...but don't care...He is acting like a jerk...Everything that have gone wrong in his life he finds a way to blame our mother, our father or even our grandmother...

As for the double standards, I see it alot in my own family, n at times with my own mother. N I argue with her about that...It frustrates me n pisses me off...
I want my daughters to do what is best for them...Work hard n accomplish there dreams...

I just don't know...
Why it has to be so tough on the girls of some families...some cultures...
I am really right now just frustrated.........

'As u act like ur a Motherless Child. Appeared from no where, n got raised all by urself...When MY mother pass's n I am hoping n praying it will be no time soon. U will not know, I will not tell u, u my loving older brother will not recieve the news from me. N if I can help it from no one else....As u act like u have no mother, then there is no need to know anything about her"

Honey, after all this, I say stick to your guns. I don't think you were being hard on the shit at all. If anything, I feel you were clear, concise and to the fucking point. What right does he have to know anything? None. Sure, he might be in denial over your mother's condition, but he's had enough time to live in that state. I say stuff him. He's lost his rights when he stopped acting like a son and starting living like a distant family member.

Bed hopping? Silly wabbit..

You sound wike Elmer Fud.

Well, I am a daughter, so here goes....
For starters, my background is European, mainly German and English. But first and foremost, I am an Australian, so I guess my background doesn't really play a part in how my family is structured. I am the eldest in my family, with one younger brother, and live with my Mum and Dad. In my family, its mainly Me and my Mum who take care in running the household, maming sure the washing is done, everyone is fed ect ect, while my Dad takes care of all the garden and the cars and things like that. And my brother plays the Xbox, and eats the food and takes his clean washing when its done. Me and my Mum are like the spine of our family, but Mum holds it together really. We're the strong ones that hold it all together when the shit hits the fan. And last year when my Mum got sick and had cancer, It fell to me to make sure everything was all good. Me and my Mum fight like any mother and daughter do, and sometimes I feel like I hate her, but I know that really I am happy to be her daughter because I wouldn't be the person I am if it weren't for her.

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too

-John Mayer

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too

-John Mayer

I love that song n so does my daughter, lol..
I so sry to hear that ur mom had cancer, n she is a strong woman to beat it...My mothers will be an on going battle...N I know how cancer can put her threw hell...U r a great daughter never doubt...Hopefully soon ur brother will get his ass off the Xbox n help around.
I continue saying that being a daughter is tough. So many responsibities...N u cannot forget about urself, but its hard to do.
I feel like I am putting everyone needs infront of mine..My daughters will have 120% of me, they r still growing....
Daughter who r close to there family, deal with alot....argh

Thanks Niva...she had skin cancers all over her, and if they had not been caught when they did they would have gone into her bones. So we feel very greatful that we got it. She is strong, it was a toguth time but she got through it in one piece.

Yeah, slowly he's learning...one day he may even do the ironing.

Niva, your daughters will grow up to be great women, because they have had you giving them everything they need to grow. They are gonna be so proud to be your daughters.

Thanks Splinter...

It takes guys longer to understand what a family is about...I am not saying all guys r like that but the majority that I have come across r...