Matrix with Retards

This is based on the movie and on the lines that the people say in the movie. But the next person that is supposed say their lines is supposed to do something very retarded. So it is making fun of what the actor or actress does or what they say in the movie. Lol.

Here is an example of what I mean:

Agent Smith: We missed you...
Neo: *looks confused* Why do you miss me? I thought at first you told me that you hated me. And that is why you want to kill me. So why am I here?
Agent Smith: *smiles* Well Mr. Anderson...
Neo: My name is Neo... *said Neo while moving his head around to figure out were Smith was since he is blind*
Agent Smith: *walks up closer to him who still can't figure out where Smith is* Well Neo... *he sticks his hand into him* it's because I will win...
Neo: *gasping for air* And how will you do that?
Agent Smith: *turns Neo into him* Well my good sir I have already done that by making you me... *he says while smiling at the Neo that he turned into him*
Other Agent Smith: *smiles back* Me too...]

So come on guys and make some of your own jokes about Matrix Retards. And have some fun with the lines as well as the actions on what they people do in the movie.

Somehow, this thread feels familiar...

Ah heck, I'll think of something. Just let me get rid of my cold first.

Yep it is...but familiar in a nostalgic way. I'd like to see what new ideas'll be popping up soon.
On another note...how's it going, sm4113r? Is it army year yet, or next year? Exams soon?

Okay I will be writing another one for today. I know it does sound familiar to me to. But when I looked at the other threads I couldn't find one like this one that I made. So I am not really sure.

Morph: *stands next to the door with Neo* I can only show you the door. You are the one that has to walk through it.
Neo: *nods his head and starts to walk into the door without opening it and is knocked uncouncious*
Morph: *shakes head angerily* NO! Stupid pathetic choosen one he is supposed to open the door first then go through it.

spoonboy: There is no spoon.
Neo: Soooo.... what's that?
spoonboy: A spoon.
Neo: You just said there is no spoon.
spoonboy: Yes, it is only in your mind.
Neo: In my mind? Gah! Get it out, get it out! *claws at head*

Good one Mr. Hacker. I was laughing over this one from last night. You really do better at this then me. I bet your a master at this.;)

Morph: You are the one.
Neo: One? What one? Do you mean the one choosen for ranking number one in video games?
Morph: NO! In helping the humans win the war.
Neo: What war are you talking about? And what does the one got to do with this?
Morph: Neo just listen to what I have to tell you.
Neo: Alright! I'm listening.
Morph: Good. Now what am I talking to you about?
Neo: I don't know.
Morph: And why don't you know?
Neo: Excuse me sir? Do you know what I am doing here?
Morph: Yes Neo... You are here because you are the one...
Neo: One... what one...
Morph: Never mind. I will explain this to you in the car.
Neo: OH okay. Wait get your hands off of me your bastard I am going to tell my mommy on you since you are sexually harassing me.
Morph: Neo... We are trying to help you!!!
Neo: Well yeah... If you are trying to help me and not harass me... then how come your hand is on my ass!!!

Agent 1: It's him!
Agent 2: The anomoly.
Agent 1: Do we procede?
Agent 2: yes
Agent 1: After all he is
*scilence* Everyone looks at Agent 3
Agent 3: What?
Agent 1: Dude, you
Agent 2: So missed your que.

Another job well done Mr. Hacker. I just don't know how you do it man. But you are good.;)

Agent Smith: Cookies need love to...
Oracle: stares blankly at him
Agent Smith: *Throws the plates of cookies at the wall* Ahh I beat that you weren't expecting me to do that either huh did you? Or perhaps you knew exactly what I was going to do so you left the plate right there. Hm...
Oracle: Still stares blankly at him
Agent Smith: Um... Oracle... you didn't say your line...
Oracle: Huh? I didn't know we were filming... Because right now I am watching the cubs...

You guys are hilarious, and this thread deserves to continue living, so I'm gonna try to help it out with my pathetic excuses for jokes.

In underground Merovingian parking lot in Revolutions:

"You gotta be kidding me."
"Holy sh*t, it's wingless."
"I get it, you must be ready to die."
"Actually, no, I need to speak with him."
"Who?"
"Him."
"Who him?"
"The guy."
"What guy?"
"Your boss."
"Who's my boss?"
"The guy."
"What guy?"
"The guy who's your boss."

Free Your Minds.

-neoizcool

*takes a bow* Thank you, thank you. It's a gift.


Neo walks through the detector.
Guard: Please remove any metallic items you might be carrying. Watches, keys, loose change...
*i have 2 versions*
Neo reveals guns in his coat. Guard looks at them and shrugs.
Guard: Alright, now just place those in the bin and pass them though the detector. Have a nice day sir!
Neo gives him a look that says WTF?

*2nd version*
Neo opens his coat and reveals zillions of keys and coins.
Guard: Holy shit!

lol :)

3rd version:

Neo opens his coat, only to flash the guard.
"holy shit!"
Neo jumps and kicks the guy in the face, breaking his neck. Trinity walks in behind him.
"Toldja it'd work."

Smith: Mr Anderson, so nice of you to join us
Neo: My name is..... erm

In the elevator in Matrix, in the Oracle's building:

"She's very old; she's been with us since the beginning."
"What?"
"The beginning."
"Dude, that would be like over a hundred years old."
"I know."
"But, that's, like impossible."
"But, Neo, she---"
"No, dude, I'm serious!! That's impossible! Oh my god!! How many wrinkles does this old crone have???"
"Neo! Calm down!!"
"Morpheus!! What kind of freak are you! Oh my god! OHMYGOD!! OH MY GOOOD!!!!"
"Neo!"
Grabs Morpheus by the shoulder, shakes him.
"MORPHEUS! GET ME OUT OF THIS FREAK SHOW!! OH MY GOD!!"
Morpheus punches Neo; Neo slumps to the ground.
Morpheus shakes himself. "I hate it when that happens."

Free Your Minds.

-neoizcool

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

If you're laughing at mine, Ilavos, thank you so much!
Here's another one.

After Neo is done fighting Seraph in Reloaded.

"The Oracle has many enemies. I had to be sure."
"Of what?"
"That you are the One."
"You could have just asked."
"Yes, you are right, but I can't resist a good fight scene opportunity when it comes up."
"Dude."
"Yes, I know. I apologize."
"You already did."
"Well, I'm doing it again."
"No, dude, I won't accept it."
"Please do."
"Dude, you suck! You fight me for no good reason and then you want me to forgive you?"
"Yes."
"Dude, that is so weak sauce! You totally suck! I hate you!"
Seraph hangs his head. "I deserve to die."
"Dude, totally."
"Yes."
"Dude, you should just like die right now. And I should, like, quit saying dude, 'cuz I'm like the One."
"You are."
"You suck!"

Free Your Minds.

Hey, everyone!! I'm nineteen today!! Whoopee!!

-neoizcool

yes i was laughing at yours.I hadnt heard one that funny since the spoon one.Happy birthday.You know whats f***ked up?Its my birthday today.Happy 20th to me. :D

Architect scene:

"Hello, Neo."
"Who are you?"
"None of your beeswax."
"You can tell me."
"Shut up, okay?"
"Come on! I promise I won't tell anybody."
Architect looks down. "It's a stupid name."
"No name is stupid. Everyone is special in his or her own way."
"Okay, it's Architect."
"Hey, Archie."
"No, it's Architect."
"Yeah, Arch."
"I don't like that nickname."
"Live with it!"
"Dude, I quit."
"Huh?"
"Time for some Halo 2!!"

Happy birthday too, Ilavos. I went to see the Incredibles yesterday night.

Free Your Minds.

-neoizcool

Do you want to know what it is?
What is?
It is?
What it?
It it?
What's it?
Do you want to know what it is?
Ok, what the f*** is it?
It is it.
GAHHHH!!!
*i take no credit for this. look up The Matrix REGurgitated*

"A gift. From one of the orphans. He made me swear to get it to you before you left. He said you'd understand."
Neo unrolls the cloth; there's nothing inside.
"What the hell?"
Kid shakes his head. "I don't get it. It was there before. But not anymore. There is no spoon."

Free Your Minds.

-neoizcool

"You do not know the POWER of the dark side of the matrix, Neo. Morpheus never told you what happened to your father."
"He told me enough."
"I am your father, Neo."
"No. I dont believe it. Thats not possible, Smith."
"I only said I would give you the truth, Neo. I didnt say it would be easy to hear or be beneficial to you in any way whatsoever."

Neo - persehone kiss scene
persephone: i just whant a sample
trinity: sample this !
instead of pointing her gun, she jumps on persephone and they start kissing like mad :D

"But zen if we do not ever take time, how can we ever have time?"
Neo: "That's stupid."

Free Your Minds.

-neoizcool

Agent Smith: Have you ever stood and stared at it?
Neo: No... but what are we staring at again.
Agent Smith: Marveled at it's beauty?
Neo: I don't see anyone else as beautiful as me. *he says this while pulling out a mirror and fixing himself* Yeah I am one hot sexy bastard.
Agent Smith: *Not paying attention to what Neo is doing* It's genius?
Neo: If only I was that smart *he says with a sigh while leaning back in his chair and snoring*
Agent Smith: Billions of people just living out their lives......oblivious.... and Neo... are you listening to me?
Neo: *wakes up and realizes something* Hey wait I am in the wrong scene...
Agent Smith: Yes I know... that is why it is inevitable Mr. Anderson...
Neo: What do you mean?
Agent Smith: I brought you here for a reason...
Neo: And what is this reason for...
Agent Smith: I just wanted to tell you that... I love you Mr. Anderson... *he said while leaning in going to kiss Neo*
Neo: No way... *but while trying to get away from Smith and when they kiss he gets this pleasant feeling that he has never felt before even with Trinity*
Agent Smith: I want to be with you Neo even till the end.
Neo: I love you Smith *with that they both kiss each other tenderily for really neo is a bisexual and Trinity doesn't know about it*
Trinity: *opens the door and runs in* Oh Neo I am so glad... that I... found you... *she says looking shock at both of them kissing and touching each other on the table*
Neo: Trinity I have... to tell you something...
Trinity: What?
Neo: I am going to be marrying Smith...
Trinity: Why?
Neo: Well... because I love him... *he says while walking out the door with Smith*
Trinity: Then who is the one for me?
Women In Red Dress: Hello there love! *winks at Trinity and pulls off her clothes* Come here baby and get a piece of me.
Trinity: *runs out of the door screaming never to enter the matrix ever again*

:eek:


............................................................................................................

I know. That wasn't that funny. But I just thought about that today. And sorry if it kind of left you stunned.

Can anyone spell awkward?
Anyways, here's my next one:

In The Matrix, in the interrogation scene.
"As you can see, we've had our eye on you for some time now, Mr. Anderson."
"What?"
"Our eye. We've had it on you. For some time."
"I don't get it."
"It seems that you've been living.....two lives."
"Nope. I'm me."
"Two lives, Mr. Anderson."
"You can call me Tom."
"In one life you're Thomas A. Anderson---"
"Duh."
Agent Smith frowns. "Yes. You work for Metacortex."
"Yeah. What a bunch of di---"
"Let's keep this PG, Mr. Anderson."
"It's R."
"Who are?"
"No, it is."
"Shut up. In the other life, you're name is.....Neo...and..you, go by...this name....which is yours.....a hacker alias....for......a hacker."
"Speak faster."
"I.....can't......help it.......I have.......a slow........processor......"
"Ah."
Agent Johnson looks at Smith, and hits him. "Heeey......" Smith says. "You can cut it out."
"You're fixed!" Neo exults. He raises his hand. "High five man!"
Smith just stares, leaving Neo's hand there.
"Don't leave me hanging, Dude!" Neo says.
Smith continues, "One of these lives has a future, and one of them does not." He closes the folder, and sends papers flying.
"Hmmm..."
Neo laughs. "Nice going! You suck!"
Smith says, "I'm going to be a forthcoming as I can be...."
"Ha! Then quit talking so slow!"
"We need your help."
Johnson looks at Smith. "If we need his help we are in such deep shit."
Smith says, "Tell me about it."
Johnson looks confused. "But...why...I just......why would you..."
Smith ignores Johnson's blubbering. "Morpheus has contacted you."
Neo nods. "It was so freaky, Dude!! So I got this phone in the mail, and then, oh my god, IT RINGS!!!"
"He is....very dan.....gerous."
"Sure. Whatever."
"We will wipe the slate clean if you help us."
Neo shakes his head. "I got a better idea. How about I give you the finger?"
"Mr. Anderson......you disappoint me."
"I don't care!! You---"
Smith interrupts, "No, you disappoint me. The finger is the next one over."
Neo looks at his hand. "Oh. Well, I, HEY DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!! You can't scare me! I wanna call my mom!!"
Smith says, "How can you call her if you can't speak?"
"Sign language!!"
Smith pauses. "But....that doesn't make any sense."
"Yes it does!!"
"No, because, it's a phone, so....so she can't.....oh, never mind."
Neo laughs triumphantly. "Ha! Can't touch this!"
Then the mouth-closing happens.
Johnson: "Ew, that is freaky."
"You're going to help us, Mr. Anderson," Smith says. "Whethe you want to or not."
Pulls out the shrimp thing.
Johnson looks sick. "Oh god..."
Neo signs, "I'm hungry. That shrimp looks good."
The shrimp turns to Smith. "You expect me to crawl into that lint-filled cavern?"
"Don't worry," Smith says. "It's not real."
"Really?"
"Yes."
Neo signs, "I'm hungry."

Free Your Minds.

-neoizcool

Cypher(selling the guys out to Smith): I dont want to remember nothing. NOTHING. Also, I want to be rich...y'know, someone IMPORTANT.......like an actor!
Smith: How about Keanu Reeves?
Cypher: Naw. Dont want to be him. He reminds me of someone...I dont know who.
Smith: How about Ben Affleck?
Cypher: Tell me you're joking. All his latest movies SUCK.
Smith: Ah we agree.
Cypher: I especially hated Jiggly.
Smith: It's GIGLI.
Cypher: Whatever. I'll re-insert myself into the matrix. I'll get you what you want.
Smith: Access to the Sprint PCS nationwide network, and a Cafe Latte.
Cypher: Now you're just being stupid.

Smith's long speech. I don't have it memorized, sorry.
Smith: Why Mr Anderson? Why? Why, why, why do you persist?
Neo: Cuz this movie would utterly blow if I did give up.

Neo: Whoa!
Trin: What is it?
Neo: A black cat walked by. Then a white rabbit hopped after it.
*All look at him strangly*
Trin: That's usually a hangover. Happens when you're on crack.

Morpheus: What was said was for- Hey! She gave you a cookie! Not fair! I didn't get no stinkin cookie when I went to her!

In Revolutions, Oracle's kitchen scene w/Neo.

"So.....do you recognize me?"
"A part of you."
The Oracle whirls around to face him. "What part?"
Neo is unsure. "Um...I, uh.....um....your butt!"
The Oracle squints at Neo. "I'm squinting at you."
Neo is uncomfortable. "I can see that."
The Oracle steps back. "Some bits you lose, some bits you keep."
Sati pokes her head in. "Looks like you kept all of it and then some!!"
Oracle glares at her. "You don't want me to use my powers!!"
Sati runs away, a terrified look on her face.
Neo looks at Oracle. "That was mean."
"Shut up, Neo."
He looks down. "The floor is pretty."
"Want some candy?" She hands him a tootsie roll.
Neo munches on it. "Shou shruprozed mche."
Oracle slaps him. "Don't talk with your mouth full."
Neo swallows. "I want another one."
"No."
"I want it now!!!"
"I thought you came to me with questions."
"How much do you weigh?"
"567 pounds," the Oracle replies. "Not counting my hair."
"Smith is gonna kill me isn't he?" Neo says.
"Nope," the Oracle says. "I'm just gonna let him take over my body for a better climactic battle scene."
"Awesome!!" Neo says.
"I know," the Oracle says. "I know."
"Why?"
"Everything that has a beginning has as climactic war scene with Sentinels vs. APUs at the end."
Neo gasps. "Sentinels are gonna kill the indian guy from simpsons?????"

Free Your Minds.

-neoizcool

looooooooooool.Man you are insane.Keep it up.

When Morpheus is going to talk to Locke.

"I've spoken to the other captains and I wanted to offer you the chance to explain WTF YOU WERE DOING???????"
"I wasn't aware that my actions required any explanation."
"Well, I'm a bumbling jerk-face so you have to tell me."
"I wasn't aware that my actions required any explanation."
"Tell me!!"
"I wasn't aware that my actions required any explanation."
"Morpheus!!!!"
"I wasn't aware---"
"Are you aware that you've said that a gazilion times?"
"I wasn't aware---"
"I hate you."
Morpheus starts to cry.
"Don't be a crybaby!" Locke shouts sternly. "You were given a direct order to return to Zion!"
"I did!"
"But you asked for one ship to stay behind."
"I needed to get some candy!"
"You want candy?"
Morpheus nods. "Iiiiiiii want candy!"
"I don't wanna hear that shit!"
"It's not bull! It's candy!"
Locke looks at Morpheus weirdly. "What? No, you---I---what---okay, that's just stupid."
"It is not!!" Morpheus shouts. "Your mama's so fat when she jumped in the air, she stuck!"
"HEY!!" Locke shouts, standing up. "Nobody insults my mommy like that! And I don't care about tootsie rolls, or red vines, or creme savers, I care about one thing!"
"What's that???"
"I DON'T KNOW!!"
"Why???"
"Because the darn script fell off my desk!!"
"Ha-ha!! Locke can't memorize his lines!!!!!"
"Shut up! Shut up!!
"My beliefs do not require me to!!"
"Candy sucks!!!"
Morpheus gasps. "No one will panic, because there is nothing to fear."
"Gaaaaaah!!!"

Free Your Minds.

-neoizcool

That is so looool. Funny stuff. :)

"Have you ever stood and stared at it?"
Morpheus is quiet.
Smith turns to look at him. "I asked you....a ......question...."
Morpheus looks up.
"I am waiting for......an answer...."
"I....I.....can't....."
"The fact.....that...you can't talk......is no excuse....not to answer......um.....me."
"Yes....it is."
"No matter.....," Smith says, turning to look out the window again. "I marvel at its beauty and genius. Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world."
Johnson turns to look at Smith. "Then what in the hell happened?"
Smith glowers at him. "Your mama was born."
The other agent says, "Hohooooooo!!! You just got served!!!"
Johnson glares at Smith. "My mama isn't as fat as.......your pop!!"
"Oooooooooooo," the other agent says.
"What did you call my pop?" Smith says.
"I called him, I called, he, HE SUCKS!!"
Silence from the other agent.
"It was disaster," Smith grumbles. "No one could accept the program...entire crops were lost."
"What happened to them?" the other agent says.
"Oh, you know," Smith says, shrugging, "those gosh darn crop circles."
"You know that's a hoax, right," Morpheus says.
"Hey!" Johnson says, slapping Morpheus on the back of the head. "You're not supposed to be able to talk!!!!"
"Sorry," Morpheus said.
"They're not......hoaxes....," Smith says.
"That's a load of crap!" Johnson screams. "They're just people pushing over plants!"
"It's happening," Mel Gibson says.
Smith looks at him. "Get out of here."
M. Night Shyamalan jumps into the room, "Watch the Village!!!!"
Smith shakes his head. "Talk about shameless product placement."
Night and Mel sulkily stomp out of the room.
Smith shakes his head. "Some believed that....we lacked the programming language necessary to speak with Aborigines, but I believe that, as a species, human beings define their reality through misery and suffering, which is why the Matrix was redesigned to include Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey."
"What about Excellent Adventure?" Johnson asks curiously.
"No amount of planning could have averted that disaster," Smith shakes his head sadly."Now I say bogus journey, because as soon as we started thinking for you, it really became.....an excellent journey...which is, of course, what the f am I talking about."
"The Matrix," Johnson says.
Lighting flashes outside the window.
"Hey, Larry, cut it out!!" Smith shouts.
Larry Wachowski steps out from the back. "Sorry, Mr. Weaving."
Smith shakes his head."The brothers. Oie."
"In short, Morpheus, look out that window," Smith says.
Morpheus looks up, and Neo is out in the helicopter with the gun pointed.
"No!!" Smith shouts.
Neo looks confused. "I'm hungry. Where's that shrimp?"

Free Your Minds.

-neoizcool

shrimp is good

Lol. NIC you make the greatest jokes ever. Man my sides are like killing the hell out of me. Great job once again. Especially with the shrimp parts. And please give us more of these great stories. Because they are lots of fun as well as wonderful to read. Great job once again.

Here we go again. :D

"I don't understand. Once the One reaches the Source, the war should be over."
"GOSH! Flippin' idiot! In freakin' twenty-fours it will be!"
"What did you just say?"
"What the flip were you listening to the first time? I'm not gonna repeat it!"
"Do it!"
"No!"
"Do it or go to your room!"
"I don't wanna!!"
"You'll do what your mother tells you!"
Silence. Everyone looks at Morpheus, their jaws hanging open.
Morpheus looks at the floor. "I, uh. I, don't, just shut up! SHUT UP!"
He stomps out of the room.
Neo looks at Trin. "Want some banana bread?"
Trinity nods."Yes, Neo. In fact, that does sound like a very good idea. Lol. Banana bread is good for you as well as milk. I feel like getting some milk. How about you, friend? And then I shall go to bed for it has been a tiring day and I am very tired. But that is c-o-o-l that you want some, friend. I just do not feel in the mood at this moment right now for eating."
Neo blinks.
"What?"
Link stands up. "I want some banana bread."
Neo nods. "Good. That's fine. Take my hand. We'll stand under the gland and walk through strange lands."
Link giggles. "You just made a rhyme."
"I know. Now shut up."
"I like shrimp."

Wow, banana bread! I like to try some, hope it taste nice...LMAO

Lol. I wonder why I didn't see these replies today? (scrathes head in amusement) Oh well. Lol. You can't win them all now can you. And by the by me friend. Great posting it made me have the giggles.;) I love that banana bread part as well as the mommy part.

Andale, andale!

"Still can't sleep?"
"They're just dreams."
"What?"
"I said they're dreams."
"What are you dreaming about?"
Neo looks up. "Nothing, I---"
"I was talking about your little problem, but what's this crap about dreams?"
"I told you; it's not a problem, it's just temporary!"
"That's what you said the last three nights! And what dreams?"
"Nothing!"
Trinity looks at him angrily. "It's the woman in the red dress isn't it?"
"No, I---"
"I knew it! That bitch! You think she's so hot, boy, i tell you---"
Neo mumbles, "She is pretty hot...."
"What did you say????" Trinity demands.
Neo looks up. "Nothing! I, just, nothing!"
"Are you afraid of something, Neo?"
"I just wish I knew what I was supposed to do!"
"You better hope she doesn't call, 'cuz if she does, you're a dead man!"
Suddenly Link walks in. He looks at Neo.
Neo looks up. "Are we ready to go?"
Link nods. "We're already late."
"Where are you two off to?" Trinity demands.
Neo gets up. "Nowhere special."
"You're off clubbing again, aren't you!" Trinity screams. "Oh my gosh! Why can't you take me?"
"It's a guy thing," Link says, shrugging.
"You guys aren't---"
Neo and Link both get nervous and say, "Bye, Trin!" then leave.
Trinity is left alone. She mutters staring at the coffee table, "Bitch."

When the mailman brings Neo his package from Morpheus, in M1.
"Thomas Anderson?"
"Present."
"Here, I need you to sign this attendance sheet."
"Okay, hehheh, look at me, I'm writing, yay, heehee."
"Good job." The mailman walks off.
Neo sighs. "I love school."
The mailman comes back, "Uh, sir, you didn't sign it right."
Neo looks up. "What? What are you? Oh, I see. Hehheh. Misspelled my name."
Alarms sound. Agents pour into his cubicle. "Mr. Anderson, you'll have to come with us."
"What, hey, no!"
"Misspelling a word is a grievous offense."
"No fair! I want my mommy!"
A shrimp walks by. "Quit whining, you ba---"
Smith kicks it out of the way. "I hate those things."
Neo stares at him. "You'd have to hate your mother too, then."
Everyone stops. Smith turns to look at him. "You did not just insult my mommy."
Neo stands there defiantly. "So what if I did?"
Johnson holds his breath. "He is so dead."
The other Agent looks at him. "Ten bucks says Neo can take him."
Suddenly Morpheus comes on scene and grabs Neo then starts to walk away.
"Heeeey. What aaare you doing?" Smith shouts.
"Taking him! We don't have much screen time left in this two hour movie! You took it all with your bantering!"
Smith looks at the ground. "Phooey."
Neo looks at Morpheus. "Got any shrimp?"

OMFG, LMFAO! That was hillarious!

Neo when he gets package.


MailMan:What are you doing?
Neo:Reading...
MailMan:Reading what?
Neo:Your too young too read this stuff!
Mailman:"looks at the front page" Cool!,your reading Teletubies!
Neo:Yeah,anyway i know youre gonna give my the package and theres a phone inside,then my moms gonna call my that,he sent some mud wrestlers to pick my up and take my to the toy shop.
MailMan:Yes,but there is one more thing....
Neo:What?
MailMan:One of the wrestlers is...is...GEY!!
Neo:OMFG!!!
MailMan:Ok now take the package,but don't write anything on it.
Neo:"writing on the paper" What did you say.
"Phone ringing inside the package.
Neo:Yellow?
Neo'sMom:How's my little baby.
Neo:Fine mom.
Neo'sMom:Anyway,i send some....
"Neo interups"Neo:...mud wrestlers to pick my up and take my to the toy shop.
"Phone hangs up"
Neo:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!WTF happened!!!
"phone rings again"
Neo:Ohhh,cool,yellow.
Someone:Im making a pizza,what do you think i should but on the pizza?
Neo:Fuck you,i wanna talk to my mam."Neo hangs up"
"Neo stands up,sees the wrestlers(agents)"
"Neo's thougts",I bet that gey one is going to offer my some cake,buts some stupid stuff in it,makes my crack,and have sex with him.
"Neo is running towards the window"
"Suddenly the phone rings,scares the shit out of Neo and he falls down,while falling he picks up"
Morpheus:Neo,Neo??!....Shit,Tank you Motherfucker you gave my the wrong number again!

The Oracle: "Here. Take a cookie."
Neo: "Which one?"
"Any one."
"Um, how about this one?"
The Oracle gently slaps his hand. "No. That's for me."
"Oh."
Reaches out to another one. Oracle slaps his hand. "That one's also for me."
"Oh." Neo pauses. "Um, how about - "
"TAKE A COOKIE, DAMMIT!"

You guys are hilarious ok I got one

Smith: Mr. Anderson welcome back we missed you
Neo: Missed me why do you miss me I thought you hated me
Smith: Ummm I do
Neo: Then why did you say you missed me huh
Smith: It's a metaphor
Neo: So you lied to me
Smith: uhhhh yeah I did
Neo: But why
Smith: because I- Neo cuts him off
Neo: No you know what you suck dude yeah and if I were you I wouldn't lie
Smith clones Neo
Neo/Smith: I stand corrected

I just thought of another one

Neo walks through metal detector and it beeps
Gaurd: Please remove any metallic Items you may be carrying keys or loose change
Neo opens jacket revealing guns
Gaurd: WHOA!!!!! I wish I had some of those