Family Guy Quotes

Family Guy... No word in the English language can describe the intensity of it's perfection, so I am forced to make one up... and I shall do so... now... Scrumptrilescent - Family Guy is simply scrumptrilescent. Post your most memorable, hysterical, and scrumptrilescent quotes from Family Guy here, I'll begin:

"Hey... 9-1-1?... Quagmire again... yeah... it's stuck in a window this time." -- Quagmire

"Oh... Oh my God.... this is better than sex! Oh, good news Flappy! I've decided not to kill you!" - Stewey

I agree with you, FamilyGuy is a wondeful show :D
Stewie is my favorite charcter so I have compiled a few memorable moments:

stewie walks up stairs(sees two girls)they say stewie come play with us come play with us forever.(stewie says all play and no work makes stewie a dull boy.(pulls out rocket luncher and fires).

Meg: Mom guess what, i made Flag Girl squad
Stewie: Flag Girl? um yes good for you. Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call

Stewie: Isn't It Funny How They Say "Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates"? Well In Your Case, Dear Mother, Life Is Like A Box Of ACTIVE GRENADES!!

(bookcase falls over. stewie is standing behind it)
Stewie: "Pancakes!"
(LOL funniest thing ever)

Brian: Ok, now insert support rod A into crib slot b
Peter: That's what she s.....
Brian: If you say 'Thats what she said' one more time... I'll hit you

Hey, I thought this was Family Guy quotes, not SNL quotes.

True, true... But it fit the situation so well (and Will Ferrell is a comical genius). I'm glad at least one other person saw that skit... The Inside the Actor's Studio skits are "like staring into the face of God himself, and hearing him say 'you are my most wonderful creation!'".

Great quotes, keep 'em coming! Here's another:

Grandpa: (Chris is in the bathroom taking a dump) You may think you're alone in there boy, but God knows what you're doing!
Chris: God's a pervert!


Cleaveland: Oh Peter, that tickles me in a way that if Laretta tickled me in that way, I'd say 'Oh yeah, that's nice...'

Yes, family guy is definatly one of the funniest, if not the funniest show ever made. here is another of mine

Peter: Geez, what are you doing on the couch. Have you been drinking?
Lois: You know I never drink.
Peter: Yeah, just like you never dodged the draft.
Lois: What are you talking about. I'm a woman.
Peter: Sure you are now.


Lois: I'm upset because you never listen to me. This is Atlantic City all over again.
(flashback)
Dealer: You've got 20.
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: Peter, don't.
Peter: Hit me
Dealer: 21
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: Peter!
Dealer: You've got 30.
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: I'm tired of being left out of all the decision making.
Peter: Ok, honey. (lights go out. screeching sounds) Oh, by the way. I bought a chimp.

Peter: Don't worry about it. I've got it all figured out. We'll move to England. The worst they have there is drive by arguments
Englishman: I say Jeremy isn't that Reginald B Stifworth. The young chap who's been touting the merits of a united European commonwealth.
Jeremy: Why yes, I believe it is.
Englishman: Oh, let's get him. Oh Reginald!................. I disagree! (they speed off)

"damn you woman" -- Stewie lol

"guess who" -- Chris

Nobody knows Family Guy better than me...N-O-B-O-D-Y! Got that? LoL.

'Hey Meg, 16 yet?' - Quagmire

'Nope.' - Meg (obviously)

'Allllright.' *walks away* - Quagmire again

Not the One, AnotherOne

Nobody knows Family Guy better than me...N-O-B-O-D-Y! Got that? LoL.

I can argue that lol

Salesman: Alright, as your FREE gift you can choose a boat, or you can choose the mystery box.
Peter: Oh! Oh! The mystery box!
Lois: Peter, no!
Peter: Oh come on honey, what if it's a boat! You know how much I've always wanted a boat!

This is by far the funniest quote scene in family guy ever

Meg: I hope he doesn't wait and give you a gift at the last minute again.
Flashback to last anniversary. Lois opens a box.
Lois: Oh my goodness, a human thumb. Where did you ever find this?
Peter holds hand under armpit, covered in blood.
Peter: It was on ebay....
Throws up
Peter: Oh God, call an ambulance!!

Here we go:


Juror: "We are a jury and will take more than sweet words to change our minds."

Peter: " I'll give you $20 each."

Juror: "Deal!"


Peter: "Quick, to the Pope Mobile." (Cheesy old Batman-like scene)



Luke: "Wavin at the Pope boss."

Boss: "Wave at the Pope Luke."


Peter: "Chris, what you do in the bathroom is between you and God."

Chris: "Thanks dad." (hurries off to bathroom)


Meg: "Just sit on his lap, kiss his cheek and he's butter."

Chris: (jumps on Peter's lap) Dad? I have some...oh, wait...(kisses Peter on the cheek)

Peter: (stands up abbruptly) "We will never speak of this again."


Family Guy is great.

(Riding a circus elephant)
Peter Griffin: Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change.

Peter Griffin: Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass.

Mayor Adam West: I love this job more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who loves his taffy.

Little Foreign Girl: Stewie, come complete our rainbow.
Stewie Griffin: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."

Doctor: Well, Rudolph, we've finally figured out what makes your nose red.
Rudolph: Is it pixy dust or a leprechaun tail?
Doctor: No, it's a tumor.
Rudolph: You mean like a magical christmas tumor?
Doctor: No, it's a malignant tumor, the base of which is lodged deep within your brain.
Rudolph: Oh... Like a happy, special... -
Doctor: You're going to die.